Hofstra, Let’s Talk About It: Sexual Confidence

In our society today, women are often told that they should not talk about sex. This can lead women to feel embarrassed or unsure of themselves when something unexpected happens. Through Hofstra, Let’s Talk About It, you will read real accounts from real college students. We are all going through the same experiences, why not talk about them?

Sexual confidence is something that a lot of women struggle with yet not many are open about. I previously wrote an article on ways to boost your sexual confidence based on what I found worked for me. However, those methods may not work for everyone. There are many ways to feel confident with your body and the most important thing is to find out what makes YOU feel good about yourself.

I asked Her Campus members: “What do you do to feel more sexually confident?”

“You need to understand your own body! Going into sex with a partner already knowing what feels good for you and being able to guide your partner is such an important part of sexual confidence. While sex toys or new activities may help you feel more confident, knowing your body is a good starting point (for me, at least) to help you feel more confident in sexual situations.”

  • April, Junior

“I wear sexy lingerie and clothes that make me feel comfortable yet confident in my own body.”

  • Emily, Sophomore

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“I definitely shave - I like being smooth and it helps me feel good. I also make sure to wear a cute bra.”

  • Courtney, Junior

“I usually wear lingerie and play some of my favorite empowering songs. At first, I thought I would feel awkward wearing lingerie (especially in front of someone else) but after I put it on, I realized that I felt sexy and my partner thought the same!”

-      E, Sophomore

“Wearing a matching underwear set is my favorite way to not only feel sexy but feel like I have my life together. Cute underwear, nice perfume and doing my makeup are my favorite ways to feel sexy. I decided to try something to make me feel more sexually confident because I was sick of feeling that being viewed as a sexual being was shameful. For those struggling with sexual confidence: there's a method for everyone, and it doesn't always have to be fishnets and red lipstick. It can be taking a great selfie for Instagram, masturbating, unabashed flirting, or even just wearing your favorite outfit on a regular Monday morning.”

  • Laramie, Freshman

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“Taking care of myself makes me feel more confident, like exercising, eating well, and practicing self-care. It helps me to feel like my best self and makes me more confident in my body.”

  • Gia, Junior

“I just need to be comfortable with the person. I really like when they take the lead and are confident. The best advice I have given myself is just to go for it because you won't get better unless you practice. I also like to tell myself that the guy is going to be excited to have sex regardless, so don't worry too much about his judgment.”

-       Sara, Senior

“I like to dress nicer because it makes me feel more confident.”

  • Melanie, Sophomore

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“I really like to wear sexy lingerie and read articles from Cosmopolitan because it helps de-stigmatize sex in my own mind.”

  • Faith, Sophomore

“I have become sexually confident through personal self-acceptance and positive thoughts. I don’t really do anything in particular to boost my sexual confidence but I do sometimes use my humor and personality to make me feel more confident about myself. For those who struggle: accept yourself as you are, know there can't be anyone like you and if there is something you really don't like about yourself, take baby steps to reach your goals. Listen to confidence building music/podcasts/speeches, whatever it is that makes you feel confident!”

  • Kim, Senior

“I like to wear things that give just enough away to be deemed “sexy” but don’t go over the top, like a well-fitted top, slinky little slip dress or leggings and a crop top.”

  • Alissa, Senior

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“A work out always makes me feel great.”

  • Amanda, Junior

“To feel confident, I tend to make myself have more control during sex. I don't like letting the man take control, especially if I feel that he thinks I'm the type of person to submit to him.”

  • DaisyMae, Junior

“Find a sexual partner who makes you feel comfortable, beautiful, and sexy. If you are not interested in a partner, explore different ways to develop self-love.”

  • Kristina, Freshman

Gaining sexual confidence is something that is very personal, and there is no universal method that will work for every person. However, talking to others about what makes them feel confident will not only inspire women to try new ways to feel happier but it will hopefully help break the stigma that women are supposed to be confident from the start.