The holidays are special because they are times that can be spent with friends and family. However, the holidays may not be as merry for those who have experienced a significant loss. I know what this feels like first-hand because two years ago, I lost my grandfather on Thanksgiving. There is not a day that goes by where I don’t think about him, but after years of therapy and self-care, I have developed some coping mechanisms that have helped me and might help you. While these tips may be helpful, it is important to reach out to a mental health professional who can create a treatment plan and provide specific strategies tailored to your needs.
- 1. Write A Letter
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Many kids write letters to Santa about what they want for Christmas. However, this letter is a bit different. This letter can be about whatever you want. There are no topics that are off-limits for what you want to express. For example, you can write a letter to a deceased loved one and tell them about what you have been working on or how you’ve been feeling lately. The letter could include memories that you hold close to your heart that you have from previous holidays with your loved one or information that you want your loved one to know. From personal experience, I would not recommend doing this exercise immediately following the death of a loved one. I tried to do this nearly a week after and it just made me upset and angry because I thought it was “pointless” and “he wasn’t going to read it.” However, two years later, while the grief is still there, writing a letter provides me with a sense of comfort that my loved one is still with me even though it may not be physical.
- 2. Fulfill A Family Tradition
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While it may be difficult to celebrate the holiday seasons in the same way, fulfilling a family tradition in honor of a loved one can be comforting. For example, my grandfather was actively involved in the church and loved to attend mass on Christmas Eve. The year of his passing, I was not ready to step foot back into a religious space. The following year, I decided to go to church and it provided me with a sense of comfort and, in a way, I felt like my grandfather was there with me. I knew he would have wanted me to go to mass and doing that made me feel that he was proud. Anything that ties your family together during the holidays counts as a tradition. That could include baking cookies, going caroling, giving gifts to the homeless, etc. Keeping a holiday tradition alive in the memory of a loved one is a great way to feel connected, however, if you don’t feel ready, that is completely valid.
- 3. Look At Old Family Photos
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My grandmother is notorious for taking photos of the family around the holidays and putting them in scrapbooks. Chances are that you probably have a relative like mine who is constantly taking photos and saving them. If you have the desire to relive old memories, particularly those with deceased loved ones, looking at old photos is a way to do that. There might be a photo tied to a specific happy memory that could provide a sense of comfort and joy during the holidays. I would not recommend doing this if you are still dealing with the early stages of grief. However, I have noticed that reliving old memories brings my family closer during such times.
These are just a few of the coping strategies I have used over the past two years to help deal with the loss of my grandfather. It is important to remember that everyone grieves differently and what works for me might not work for you. While the holidays might look a little dreary, just remember that you are not alone.