Last semester, I had a life changing experience. For the first time in my life, I experienced a darker feeling of sadness and anxiety. A feeling I never thought I would experience in my life came in the form of depression, and it scared the hell out of me.
Now before you ask, I don’t know what caused me to enter this state. I THOUGHT I was happy, and everything was coming up for me. I had just turned 21 in January, my grades were amazing, and I was accomplishing big things in my leadership positions; but I just wasn’t myself. I was making irrational decisions in my life that suffered both major and minor consequences. I gave up on committing to some responsibilities because I didn’t feel up to it and wasn’t giving it my full potential. I was hurting the people I loved the most. I hardly got out of bed, and when I did, I literally had to drag myself out it.
I was in the sunken place and I did not know why.
As the semester persisted, a lot of things did improve, but a lot of things did get worse. I was irritable and angry at everyone and everything and I could not understand why. There were days when I just sat in my room and talked to no one for no reason at all because I couldn’t even mutter a positive word to say. It got to the point where I drank excessively almost every weekend just so that I could numb the feeling.
I had got to my lowest, and I didn’t know what to do.
But with time it did get better. It took a lot of crying and self-reflection over these past couple of months to process exactly what happened to me. I had to come to terms with the fact that I was suffering through a mental health crisis and I needed help. I realized I had to take a break for me and for my sanity so that I could get better and be better. I had to love me for being me with all the imperfections included.
In that time, I accomplished what I thought would be the impossible. I got up every day and meditated positivity in my life even when I didn’t feel as powerful. I put a smile on my face even though I felt like I was dying inside. I got help, and I wasn’t afraid to talk about it or admit to it. I was giving myself the break that I needed and it felt transformative.
RELATED: How to Cope with Mental Illness While in College
And through it all, my love for writing stayed the same, even when I thought it had diminished. I realized it was what helped me cope in the best way and because of that, I’ve returned to Her Campus George Mason. My articles are a reflection of my life and what I experience – the good and the ugly. It has been my safe haven since I was a little girl and I am forever thankful for where it has gotten me. I just needed to take some time off to get back to the normal me so that I could give you all the best part of it.
It’s been a journey collegiettes, but I’m back and better than ever. Let’s finish this journey from start to finish together.
Forever strong,
Bri Hayes