The Realization That What We See On The Screen Is Not Meant To Be
Rom-coms taught us that love always shows up right on time. Whether that be in the rain (typically), after a grand speech that moves the entire audience, and/or almost always when the woman has finally given up. We grew up believing that romance is something that happens to us, not something that we can shape. Cue the meet-cute, the misunderstandings, and the perfectly timed kiss as the credits roll.
But here is my gripe: real life doesn’t roll credits after the kiss. This sparks women to start asking an important question: What if the rom-com script was never written for us in the first place?
The Rom-Com Formula (And Why It Always Falls Apart)
Classic rom-coms follow a blueprint that has become familiarized. The female lead is “relatable” but has a slightly chaotic side to her as she is unsure what she wants and is left waiting–waiting to be chosen, noticed, or even saved. Her growth is tied to romantic validation. Once she gets the guy, everything else just magically falls into place. Somehow all the loneliness and hardship disappears and life is amazing, all because of a guy.
The problem is not that romance is bad. Everybody deserves to have their person. The problem is that rom-coms tend to shrink women’s inner lives into a single goal: finding love. In return, their careers, friendships, personal boundaries, and emotional labor are all treated as side plots that are barely on the woman’s mind. However, in the real-world, women’s lives are complex ecosystems, not a two-hour story arc. There are more to us than gawking at men and wanting everything to do with men. We are independent and capable women in providing for ourselves and our career.
Rom-coms also sell the idea that discomfort equals passion. Jealousy is “romantic”. Persistence after rejection is “true love.” Emotional availability just means he is misunderstood. All of these narratives blur the line between romance and what we like to call “red flags”, which teaches us that romanticizing dynamics would be exhausting, and even harmful, in real life.
The Cost of Believing the Fantasy
When we internalize rom-com logic, it shapes how we approach relationships. We may stay longer than we should to wait for someone to “change” because movies show us that love fixes everything. We may minimize our needs as we fear we will seem “too much” and we may expect relationships to feel effortless all the time and when they don’t, it is just assumed that something is wrong with us. It messes with us psychologically and creates belief that we will never be good enough because what happened to a fake character didn’t happen to us.
Rom-coms imply that being single is a failure. The single woman is always on her way to become a partnered woman and she is never fully complete without one. That narrative can continuously pressure women to prioritize being chosen over choosing themselves.
And to be honest, how many movies end right before the real work begins? There is no montage on the couple negotiating boundaries, unlearning their insecurities, or just having the same difficult conversation for the fifth time. Real life is not built in a final act, it is built in repetition.
Society’s Expectations of Women
Reality is Messier, but Better
Real relationships are awkward, slow, and often seen as unglamorous. They involve clear communication instead of overly dramatic misunderstandings. Relationships require accountability instead of being able to mask the problem(s) with a grand gesture. Real-life love looks less like running through an airport and more like showing up consistently and being there for your partner, even when there is an inconvenience.
And here is what rom-coms rarely show: sometimes the happiest ending isn’t a relationship at all. Sometimes it’s leaving one. Sometimes it’s choosing yourself, your happiness, your future, or your growth over a dynamic that no longer fits in your world.
Reality also allows for love stories that have nothing to do with men. Deep friendships. Queer love. Self-love that isn’t framed as a consultation prize. Rom-coms have traditionally centered one narrow version of romance, but real life offers infinite rewrites.
Women Are Rewriting the Script
More women today are rejecting the idea that love should cost them their voice, boundaries, or ambitions. Instead of waiting to be chosen, they are choosing partners who add value to their already full lives, or choosing solitude without shame.
This shift is seen everywhere, whether that be in social media conversations about emotional labor, in the dating culture that values clarity over the chase, or in media that is created by women who are tired of the same tropes and advocate for a better change in the feminine worldview. The new love story is not about being more “low-maintenance”, but about the mutual effort, growth, and respect we have for one another.
Writing your own love story means having to decide what love should feel like to you, and not what it looks like on the screen.
How Positive Affirmations Taught Me Self-Love
Redefining the Happy Ending
The most radical thing women can do is redefine what a happy ending looks like. Maybe it is a partner who communicates clearly, or it is being single and fulfilled. Happy endings can even be a love that is quiet and deeply respectful between partners. This may not be as “cinematic” as one would hope, but it is at least real and holds so much more emotion that the cinematic world could never represent.
Rom-coms are not the most evil thing in the world. They can be fun, comforting, and even inspiring to watchers in some aspects. But at the end of the day, they are fiction. Chemistry is just for money. The actors do not feel the love that we can feel on the other side of the screen. This is a paycheck for them. Once women stop treating these rom-coms as how-to guides or manuals on how to act, they gain the freedom to imagine something so much better and real. Because real love doesn’t require you to disappear into someone else’s story. The best love story is one where you remain the main character that you are and thrive to be, focusing on what you want in life, not what a screen, or a man, or a woman, or anyone, wants out of you. You choose your path and that is the reality of rom-coms.