Collegiettes, there may be a lot going through your minds about your collegiate track, your major, minor, or even field you wish to enter. Because of family or cultural pressure, you might already be in this field via internships, networking, or being “in too deep,” by spending a majority of your college years in a certain field.
However, this field may not be your top choice, or even a tolerable one. There might be several reasons for this, including family expectations or because you feel more comfortable in another discipline but feel forced or judged into only a few “acceptable,” paths. This experience, and being able to speak up for whatever reason, may be especially difficult within immigrant or brown families, because of the culture of parents wishing to ensure their children’s’ success.
Worse, this judgment may not only be directed at you but also your family by other families of similar identities. This might make speaking up even more difficult as there is a sense of wishing to protect your family’s or parent’s reputation.
Attending predominantly white institutions may make you feel alone in this experience, but this article is here to let you know your experience is not unique and should not feel isolating; there are plenty of women of color who chose to follow their own path despite toxic pressures.
To take the very first steps, first, analyze what field you would like to go into. Say there is pressure to pursue medical school, and despite finding it boring, you do not mind and would probably excel in the work and effort it requires. For you, maybe following a boring path might be rewarding because of potential salaries and even opportunities. You might find that if you plan right, you can practice for a while, and when you have financial securities, you can follow your real passion. Speaking with a career counselor might be helpful to determine if you can balance these different paths! Maybe that is a path you do not mind taking, especially if there is considerable toxic pressure. However, this path might sound “safe,” but there is no pressure to follow it. Even if you do not mind taking a certain route, do not feel pressured into taking it for the sake of others. Speak up if you wish.
So, how to speak up? Now that you have seriously considered what you want and do not mind pursuing, we can consider how to boldly and effectively speak up. Firstly, ignore judgments from family, extended family, and the community. As someone from such a community, I know how judgemental, irrational, and nonsensical pressure from distant family friends can be. It can certainly be traumatizing as well. However, they will not pay your bills, support your potential spouse nor potential children. While you follow a certain path to appease them, that might only do so for a few years, then leave you with something you regret for the rest of your life, when those individuals are not around anymore.
Additionally, if talking to your family or community does not convince them to dispel certain mindsets in favor of your success and well-being, maybe this given family is not worth to appease and force to stick around with you, anyways.
I want to reiterate that this judgment might seem like your entire world now, but there will be a time where you move out and start your own life. Even if you do not “cut them out,” naturally, these people will dwindle out of your life simply because you will also be perceived as an adult. And, again, it will not be the worst decision to cut out genuinely judgemental and toxic people from your life. As a middle eastern girl, please do not forsake your life to appease backward thinking for a few years. It is simply not worth it.
To gain support from others, share your situation with trusted professors or advisors. Ask them for help on choosing and funding the path of your choice, and use them as resources to reach where you would like to be. If needed, seek resources that will guide and support you as you share your true wishes with your family or community. An amazing thing about university, colleges, or high schools, even, is that there are so many individuals and resources dedicated and trained to help people reach their academic and career goals.
This is your life, collegiettes, and those who wish to comment on it will never be impacted by the outcomes they love to judge so much. Go forward on your own path, with those who support you.