My road to acceptance with the freshman 15

I consider myself to be active. When I was on campus I walked nearly 10 miles a day my freshman year. I went to the gym and tried to eat healthy. But I was still somehow plagued by the infamous freshman 15. Well, maybe not 15 but I gained weight and found myself heavier than I ever was.

I realized my weight gain during thanksgiving break of my freshman year. After struggling to zip up my jeans from high school I knew something was wrong. A voice in my head started to nag me from that moment on. I decided over thanksgiving break to initiate a new healthy life style, and that’s where a cycle of diets and binging began.

I never participated in crash diets or restricted myself, but I did obsessively research. I counted calories, went to the gym and tried, in my own head, everything to avoid the dreaded freshmen 15. I walked everywhere and avoided lift and public transportation at all costs. I thought I was doing everything to get back on track but there was no progress.

By April I was at a standstill. I neither gained nor lost weight. I still felt sluggish and grey. My skin was breaking out. I felt like whatever my body did was out of my control. As a complete control freak, I started to feel like a mess.  

Thoughts raced through my head every time I looked in the mirror. WHY was I gaining weight? I’m an active student who takes care of myself, why is this happening? Looking back, I realize that I was not taking care of myself. Going out and eating nachos before bed and not sleeping was not healthy for my body. But I hardly drank so getting 3 hours of sleep is okay. When I tried to eat healthy at dining halls I would add on random sides like French fries and brownies, but I had a tuna wrap so that’s healthy… right? I found myself sick with pneumonia for the entire winter term, so I couldn’t work out. But walking to class while experiencing multiple asthmatic attacks is fine since I got some steps in, right?

Wrong.

Then summer term came. It took me so long to realize that this weight gain is extremely normal. Even though I heard and read about the freshmen 15, I always thought it was something that could never happen to me. I’m still trying to make up for my bad habits from last year but not by losing weight.

I’m eating more balanced and regularly. I no longer have breakfast at 1PM or dinner at 12AM. I am more mindful of my sleep schedule. I take melatonin every night at the same time and try to get up early, so I am fully awake by class. I am trying to make working out an award instead of a punishment. I no longer try to work out just to burn what I eat. Instead, I treat myself with fun fitness classes. It will always be a little bit of a downer that I let myself get off track freshman year. But instead of dwelling on it I’m trying to learn and grow from it.

• diet
• fitness
• food
• freshman 15
• health
• self-love
• weight loss