Something I don’t tell a lot of people is that I’ve been on medication for anxiety and depression since I was 15 (almost five years now). It’s not something that I keep secret, but it’s not something that comes up often, and I think we need to change that. We need to talk about it so that people know it’s a valid choice to make. Going on medication changed my life, and I want to share my mental health journey to show just one experience.
To preface, I should tell you that I’ve had anxiety for almost my whole life. There aren’t any days where I’m not at least a little bit anxious, sometimes about nothing in particular. For most of my life, it was just an annoyance I had to deal with– uncomfortable at times, but mostly manageable. I could push all of my anxious feelings to the back of my mind and try to ignore them. I don’t recommend this technique, but for most of my anxious moments, it worked well enough.
During my freshman year of high school, though, things got worse quickly. I barely had any friends, and even going to school every day stressed me out to the point of tears. I was so anxious that I would come home exhausted every day, with no mental reserve left to do anything but collapse into bed. Eventually, my anxiety morphed into depression. I didn’t want to do anything– even getting out of bed became difficult. My parents noticed that I was reserved, irritable, and spent most of my time locked in my room.
I went to visit a nurse practitioner after a few months of this behavior. After two hours of rehashing all of my problems and worries, I was prescribed medication for my anxiety and depression. After a couple of weeks on the meds, I didn’t notice a change, but everyone around me did. My family and friends were shocked when I actually wanted to hang out with them again. I slowly began to feel less tired and had enough energy to play board games with my sisters or go to a friend’s house after school. I also felt like crying less, and getting out of bed in the morning became decidedly easier.
Some people warn that medication changes who you are, but on the contrary, I felt like I had become myself again. My nurse described my pre-medication brain as “running on empty.” The meds hadn’t done anything but given my brain the neurotransmitters it so desperately needed.
Here’s the way I see it: if you have strep throat, you get antibiotics. If you have diabetes, you get insulin. If you have depression, you get anti-depressants. It’s not your fault if you need some extra help for your mental health– and it’s definitely nothing to be ashamed of. I’m grateful for my medication every day for allowing me to live my life again.
My story isn’t universal, and medication definitely isn’t for everyone. There are plenty of other paths you can take to help your mental health. But medication is a completely valid choice to make and can help you feel so much better.