People are telling each other to write since we are in the middle of a pandemic. They say it will help others in the future to understand what we went through in 2020. However, writing is more than the mere reasoning of saving our experiences. I write to save my emotion, something that can get lost within hours. Just like we experience new things every day, we feel different emotions every day. Writing these emotions helps me in the future when my heart feels empty, not knowing how I should feel. I write about all kinds of emotions. I write my negative emotions so that I can look back later to my past and congratulate myself on overcoming those negative emotions. I read back my negative emotions when I want to remind myself about the journey. Also, reading positive emotions from my diary that I once had written gives me the energy to keep going. To me, writing means saving my emotions. It doesn’t matter whether it is a healthy or unfavorable emotion.
Writing also helps me when I am full of thoughts. These thoughts deaden me and take away my sleep. Sometimes I don’t know which thought I should prioritize, so writing them all down and cutting down the absurd thoughts with a pen makes me feel like I have thrown that thought out of my mind. When I get unnecessary thoughts, I write them down to find the root of my clogged thoughts. Just like in order to clean a spider web, you need to find the root of it, I write my thoughts so I can figure out where they are coming from.
Besides using writing to cut down my unnecessary thoughts, I also use writing when I am dealing with too many due dates. When I am in my room at 2 a.m. thinking about tomorrow, I get overwhelmed by the things that I have to do for tomorrow. Writing those to-do’s on a piece of paper feels like I have transferred all my worries into a safe place. I feel less burdened, which helps me to sleep.
Writing helps me to be vulnerable, as I know that the pages where I write my thoughts will not judge me for feeling differently. I get better at opening up my real emotions and analyzing them. Sometimes writing later give me the courage to be open in front of other people and be vulnerable. It’s a tool that I use to magnify my emotions.
I write not because I am a great writer but to do a self-check-in, which helps me understand my emotions and the actions that caused them. I write to try to understand my feelings and scrape down my cynical voice inside. I write to connect my thoughts. I write to map out my plans. I write so that I can look back later to relive those emotions. Writing helps me to balance my mental health.