Hello, my name is high-functioning depression.
Who am I you may ask?
I’m the girl who is happy at every single event. When there is an invite to the party, I’m there in a heartbeat with the snacks. I thrive around people, especially the ones who I love the most. I have all the jokes, the playlists and even the cute clothes to match. But when I’m alone, it’s a different story.
My Instagram is full of perfectly curated images, that I spent hours editing all because the voice in my head told me that no one was going to like it. See that picture of the full coffee mug on my desk? By the time the picture was perfect, it was freezing cold, gross and I wound up throwing it out. But hey, anything for the perfect picture…right?
Frozen meals are my go-to meals, my only meals. They are guaranteed to not let me down and are always mild. Why can’t I cook? I save recipes but when it comes to actually making it, my mind tells me that it will be a failure, just like me.
My schoolwork is on time, but never an A.
When it comes to to-do lists, I thrive since I can physically see what my week will look like. But when it comes to crossing them off, I never get around to it since my motivation plummets the moment I step out of bed in the morning.
My family? We could be on the cover of a magazine with how perfect we look on the outside. But in reality, we are upside down.
On the outside, I am fine – perfect actually. How in the world would I ever let anyone know that I have these thoughts? They would think that I’m crazy, insane actually.
Every single action I do has a thought behind it that tears me down. This is high-functioning depression.
Next time you see the girl that has it all together and always laughing, guess again and ask her how she is doing. Don’t accept good for an answer – dive deeper and really talk to her. After all, she is just another person…right?
Hello, my name is high-functioning depression. This is my story. Oh wait, was that stupid? Is this even worth being published?
If you are someone you know is struggling with depression, please reach out. You can get help, you are not alone. Below are some resources:
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National Suicide Prevention Line: 1-800-273-8255
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Crisis Text Line: Text “HELLO” to 741741