Based on Jenny Han’s first novel in the To All the Boys trilogy, Netflix’s To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before was a generational coming-of-age movie that heavily inspired so many aspects of my life. As it was released 8 years ago this past month, I found myself reflecting quite a bit on this era of my life when I first fell in love with the movie. I was in 7th grade, on the way to New York City for the first time with my middle school’s NJHS, which included two of my very best friends. I had downloaded the movie on my iPad so that I could watch it on the bus ride to the airport, which I indeed did- as well as rewatching it on the plane to NYC, snippets during bus rides around the city, and a final time on the plane ride home. It was safe to say that I was obsessed. I saw pieces of myself in To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before’s main character, Laura Jean. Through her personal style, music, and the way she lets her guard down, the way her character was depicted throughout the movie truly influenced the way I began to bloom into the young woman I am today.
Style
Throughout the film, Laura Jean embodies a colorful, eclectic style, showcasing her genuine heart and independence, which differentiates her from many of the other kids at her high school. Her wardrobe consists of bright patterns and layering, mixing and matching her tights, skirts, turtlenecks, fitted tees, jackets, and sweaters. She accessorizes with minimalist jewelry, headbands, bows, a mini backpack, and scrunchies. At the time, I even bought a replica of her iconic scrunchie on Etsy, which I still have to this day (it will never go out of style for me). Although my wardrobe style is a bit different from hers, I love the way that she wears unique, colorful pieces that she clearly enjoys, and accessories that are meaningful to her. I try to embody that myself when shopping for
clothes and picking my outfits for the day. In addition to this, I found myself mesmerized by her room, which, yes, still saturates my “Bedroom” board on Pinterest. Her walls and bedding are made up of shades of turquoise and pink, the space adorned with fairy lights and photo collages on every wall, with organized chaos scattered about the room. As a very sentimental (and Type B) person, I saw so much of myself in her personal space. Although arguably a bit messy, she was loving, smart, creative, and vibrant, which radiated throughout her bedroom. In all realness, the designers on set did a phenomenal job creating a space that felt real and lived in, as well as truly an extension of Laura Jean herself. Today, I find myself embracing these artistic choices within self-expression, both in my clothing choices and the way I fill my personal spaces.
Music
To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before also heavily influenced my music taste, featuring tracks such as Chinatown by Wild Nothing, Lovers by Anna Of The North, and Cool Out by Matthew E. White. Most importantly, the movie marked my introduction to Blood Orange with the song You’re Not Good Enough. Most of the songs were not very “mainstream” at the time, and gave Laura Jean such an original and authentic feel. The soundtrack embodies bedroom-pop-meets-indie-synth, and is the perfect curation of what it feels like navigating your sense of self and personal relationships as a teenager, and even as a young adult. It was a phenomenal introduction to the rabbit hole of exploring new artists beyond the popular radio station in my hometown. When I got home from my NYC trip, the soundtrack played on repeat in my room for months, and in fact, these songs are still scattered throughout my playlists to this day.
Vulnerability
The most important way of Laura Jean’s self-expression to me was the way that she learns to wear her heart on her sleeve. At the beginning of the story, she’s generally shy at school, keeping to herself and her best friend, only letting her personality shine with her family at home. Her romantic interests are her best-kept secret, staying close and personal to her heart. Rather than expressing her feelings to the boys she’s had crushes on over the years, she writes them letters (that they will never see) to let her feelings out, and then tucks them away in a box, never to be touched again. When her little sister finds these letters and ships them out to all of the boys that Laura Jean has liked, she’s forced to face the feelings she’s concealed throughout the years (as well as these past versions of herself) as the boys confront her one by one. By the end of the movie, she’s no longer afraid of how wearing her heart on her sleeve could make her seem. She makes the best choices for herself by being honest with the people she cares about, with the basis of knowing that no matter the outcome, she is indeed okay alone (although she indeed gets the boy in the end, of course). I saw myself in the way she sees the best in people, and how she admires the small details of the people around her- and not just her crushes, but her friends and family, too. Although concealing your feelings may feel like taking the high road, it’s often more beneficial to move with openness and intention. The truth is that there’s strength in being able to let yourself face your feelings and be vulnerable with the people in your life. No one can take away the love that you pour into the world.
Reflection
As a 13- or 14-year-old girl, coming-of-age books and movies were the highlight of media I consumed, and To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before was clearly no exception. Middle school is by far one of the most influential time periods in growing up, as you look for any kind of sense of self and direction in the rapidly evolving life around you. There is no doubt that a lot of who I am today is rooted in the ways I saw myself in Laura Jean, especially the ways in which she is depicted in such a positive light. The film showed me that there is power in expression and being unapologetically yourself, and introduced me to different styles and music that still stick with me today. The fandoms we become a part of (even as little middle schoolers) are no doubt much more important to us than we give them credit for, and I don’t think I’d be quite the same if I hadn’t put To All The Boys on repeat over my NYC trip.