As the weekend comes, we start to fit our plans together like puzzle pieces, hoping to attend every occasion our friends seem to be heading to. As much as we want to get out of our routine, like work, university, home, and have fun with other people, we cannot forget how not going out and spending some time alone can also have the power to energize us.
It’s a Saturday night, you have worked and studied the entire week, and all you want to do is go out and party with your friends,even if you feel that your body is begging to rest.
You talk to everybody and they are also down to hangout. The minute after you set a time and place, you already start planning the outfit. When it’s time to get ready, you carefully do your makeup and hair, get dressed, put on some jewelry and, when you look in the mirror and see yourself pretty, all the tiredness you were feeling seems to magically disappear. Relatable situation, right?
During the week, it’s normal that we get busy until it becomes hard to give attention to the people we care about. It’s normal missing them, wanting to be with them during moments out of routine, like weekends, and from there, to have fun. However, it becomes concerning when, as the weekend comes, you genuinely want to stay home and rest but still decide to go out anyway, fearing you might miss something or your friends might walk away if you don’t show up.
Therefore, what used to be a way of filling our social needs and allowing us to feel loved and happy turns into an obligation. You seek external validation, put your own needs in secondary and, as a consequence, the free will to choose to be surrounded by people no longer exists.
This worry of missing enjoyable moments with friends, which is typical of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out), is one of the reasons why we don’t realize how staying home can also make us happy, relaxed and rested, preparing us for the next week.
But why do we still have this need to be seen by others to feel fulfilled? Why do we still think going out on weekends is the only way of having fun? You will find out soon.
Why do we want to always be present?
Going out at night, recording TikToks, posting Instagram stories, receiving compliments about your look or having a common topic to share with your friends and, from that all, finally feeling included and cared about. These social and digital activities have become frequent among us, young people, who use social media the most.
Thanks to technology, we are now able to show to our friends what we are doing, where we are, if we are alone or not and, by that, keep more in touch with them. It’s a tool that helps us to get closer to the ones we like, but can also lead us to knowing about experiences that others might be having and we are missing, since we can’t be everywhere all the time. This absence, in turn, becomes a real and deep concern for a few people, which is typical of FOMO. But what exactly is this fear about?
According to the medical report “Fear of missing out (FoMO) mediate relations between social self-efficacy and life satisfaction”, written by the psychology professor Martin Deniz, FOMO is a phenomenon of our minds caused by a worry that others might be having rewarding experiences, like sharing a meal together, going on a trip or adventure and attending events, without us.
As he notes, this effect is more common during university years, when young adults leave their families and long-time friends to study in a new place and, as a result, need to build and maintain their new relationships. For that to be achieved, a few people believe they must always be present at every occasion they are invited for.
So, as much social media helps people get closer to their friends and, somehow, makes them feel more included and remembered, it can also prepare an environment for them to feel FOMO, as it was previously discussed, especially because everything looks more cool and appealing online. No one wants to share their boredom during a social event or confess they had a bad experience on a night out, so it’s common to assume, as we see their posts, everyone is having their best time while we are at home, alone, feeling excluded and unloved.
In addition, the report states that this fear of being left out is more likely to be experienced if the person doesn’t trust in themselves, particularly in their own ability to interact and maintain relationships. In the words of Deniz, when the person doesn’t trust in their socialization abilities, called by him as social self-efficacy, they will feel that they could be excluded at any time, even if there is no situation that proves it. Consequently, as they try to avoid it, they feel an urge to always be around.
On the other hand, still in Deniz’s words, if the person is confident in their social life by being sure they have stable and satisfying friendships, they are less likely to seek social relationships they feel not involved in. Because of that, their desire to participate in social events will no longer be driven by the fear of being excluded or forgotten, but by a wish to deliberately be around people they love.
Therefore, we all know it’s incredible to party all night long, have fun with your friends and have memories to share with them. We are young and only “live once”, right? But do it only if you want to, while following your own needs and setting boundaries, not because you need to show your self- worth or to prove to your followers and friends you are cared about.
What is self-care?
You probably must have heard before on social media, about self-care activities: eating healthy, working out, going on walks, doing skincare, going to therapy, journaling and spending time with people you love. These actions, although they certainly help us to feel happy and fulfilled, are not the only way to take care of ourselves, and can even seem a bit superficial when compared to what self-care truly is, according to clinical psychologist Felipe Saragiotto.
In the view of the interviewed psychologist Felipe Saragiotto, who is trained in the Jungian analytical approach, self-care is more than superficial aesthetic or consumer acts. In his words, it’s when someone consciously connects the part of themselves that faces the external world with their inner self.
In detail, it involves carefully listening to what lies within our minds, whether through dreams, desires, impulses or intuition, and integrating it with our consciousness, which is responsible for taking actions and dealing with our everyday life. The professional highlights this process as singular and individual, so what is considered a form of self-care to someone may not be to others – which can confuse people about what exactly those include.
However, Saragiotto declares that connecting our outer and inner world can be hard to those who don’t like to be by themselves. According to him, when we are on our own, the external gets quiet and the internal turns loud with tough and unresolved contents, which we tend to ignore and try to stay away during our everyday. It reveals emotions like anxiety, anguish or blame.
By that, staying home feels like a threat and, to escape from ourselves, we get distracted by an intense social life, until it becomes a defense against solitude.
“This behavior is also a result of social pressure for performance and constant happiness, which is intensified when we expose our lives through social media – where we know everyone looks satisfied and trouble-free”.
Felipe Saragiotto
In the online environment, we mold our lives according to what others might think about us, even if it means putting our needs and preferences in secondary. We want to show an active and fulfilled routine, whose value is measured by the quantity and visibility of the experiences. This, consequently, causes us to maximize time use even when it comes to leisure times.
So, in the professional’s view, when this high productivity standard is not achieved, we fear not appearing included or happy enough for other people. As a result of that, we stop considering staying in and resting our body and minds as a form of self-care.
“Being home it’s not interesting for an audience and doesn’t receive engagement or likes”.
Felipe Saragiotto
Therefore, the psychologist affirms: “We take care of ourselves when we make small conscious choices in the midst of the rush of everyday life, since they set boundaries against excessive external demand and, consequently, help balance societal over–adaptation.”
As examples, Saraggioto says that practicing meditation, journaling, going to therapy, doing an activity we like, or even declining social invitations due to physical exhaustion, are forms of self-care.
In conclusion, true self-care is about become more visible inside, than in the outside, and discovering ourselves during quiet and solitary moments, like staying home during weekends.
_________________
The article above was edited by Larissa Vilapiano Prais.
Liked this type of content? Check Her Campus Cásper Líbero‘s homepage for more.