In a world of a million problems, mountains of assignments due every week, the ever-present wonder of when someone will decide they want to be with me, bills seemingly due every other week, and trying to find time for myself – this world is not kind and forgiving to those with crippling anxiety, such as myself. Sometimes, I go days or even weeks until I’m able to catch my breath before the never ending thoughts and the horrible pit feeling in my stomach come back like whiplash. Trying to find a peace of mind within myself has been a long road, and while I’m still driving trying to find it, I think I’ve found some regulation.Â
Living with anxiety can be isolating, which is funny to think about because many people experience it. There’s a large community of people who over-think every interaction they have, worry about every possible outcome of a situation (both dire and good), and stay up every night with a waterfall of thoughts that never seem to end. And yet, so many of us hide inside our minds instead of reaching out. I, myself, was exceptionally skilled at hiding my anxiety (or so, I think), until I reached a breaking point.Â
Hiding my thoughts and feelings started to have physical effects on me, and my anxiety and panic attacks became more and more frequent. I would have a harder time concealing my true thoughts to those around me and as time went on, felt more trapped inside my own head. One thought would lead to another and another and sooner or later my vision started to spin, my breath became short, my hands would shake, and my mind would just keep going faster.Â
Back home with my family, my support system is complicated to say the least – some of them even the reason or the foundation for my horrible anxiety. Yet here in Chico, I have a good community around me, an amazing support system of women I live with and have classes with, but the idea of opening up at first terrified me. Yet, in the end it saved me. Just talking to my roommates and letting out some of my worries reminds me I’m not alone, and it reminds me of how little value many of the things I stress about really are.Â
Along with strong social support systems, therapy helped me break through my anxiety little by little. Whenever I notice myself going too fast, becoming short of breath, or stressing about things I have no reason worrying about, I force myself to simply stop. It’s easier said than done though. WIth anxiety, you can’t just “stop” having anxiety. By simply stopping, I mean I force myself to close my eyes, take a breath, and just be for a few minutes. I allow myself to indulge in mindfulness for a few minutes to help regulate my emotions and high-speed thoughts. This is thanks to my therapist, who helped walk me through how to give myself grace. I remember telling her how sometimes I embrace the anxiety because it keeps me going and the constant worry pushes me to get everything done. But I also opened up how it never let me rest, and there was a constant battle in my head with every single decision I made.Â
While I may or may not have indulged in anxiety medication, I’ve also developed many anxiety regulation techniques that help give myself peace. I no longer excessively stress about the upcoming week of classes and all the assignments I’ll have, I no longer degrade myself whenever I take breaks or rest, and I find my mind a much easier place to be these days.
Anxiety or any trouble with mental health is important to acknowledge. They’re invisible, which makes them dangerous. And while they may never go away, learning how to manage your mind and feel comfortable with your thoughts is essential. Without my roommates and friends, my regulation techniques, and going to therapy, I don’t think I would be the woman I am today.Â
This articles deals with anxiety and discussions of mental health.
If you’re struggling with anxiety or any mental health problems, please visit the National Alliance on Mental Health and/or call 1(800)-950-6264, you can also contact the mental health crisis life line 988 available 24/7.