From a young age, I was so excited at the prospect of growing up. I couldn’t wait until I was tall enough to ride the rollercoaster or sit in the passenger seat. I couldn’t wait until I could watch TV as late as I wanted. That eventually turned into, “I can’t wait for high school,” and “I can’t wait to get my driver’s license, and go to prom, graduate, and go to college.” I was constantly looking forward to the next milestone, constantly waiting to grow up. All the adults in my life would tell me not to wish away the time and that if they could, they would go back to being a kid in an instant. I used to think, “Who wouldn’t want to be an adult?”
That is, until you do grow up, and you’re alone in your dorm room and all you want to do is be sitting at home eating dinner with your family. You start to miss having your mom driving you around, constantly being protected or “babied,” even though that is all you used to complain about. Now, listen, I’m only 19, and I know that in the grand scheme of things, many people still view me as a kid. But I’m not really a grown-up yet. So why is it that I already feel dread at the idea of my birthday?
For women, there’s a certain stigma about growing up. A certain weight of importance is put on our age. Of course, there is a beauty standard; it’s well known that we are treated better when we’re conventionally attractive, and this is usually when we’re younger, before the marks of time become visible on our faces and bodies.
There’s also a precedent for women in terms of personality; society tells us that women should be bubbly and agreeable. Innocent and sensitive. Witty but not too opinionated. Where men are valued for maturity, women are valued for youth.
I think, subconsciously, I’m aware of this. One of my favorite songs has the lyrics, “The kind of radiance you only have at 17” (“Nothing New, Taylor Swift”). By the age of 20, we are taught that the best years are behind us, not only by the media but by some of the adults in our lives. I’m sure this is partly due to the stress of getting a job, or taxes, or paying a mortgage. But I would argue a big part of it is that our society places too much importance on being young.
I am learning to value the ideal of youth less. I’m learning not to fear my birthday and all that comes with it. Your best days shouldn’t be behind you this young in life—and they don’t have to be! Growing up doesn’t mean losing your sparkle. You don’t have to become hardened. You don’t have to let the media and people around you convince you that growing up as a woman means something different than growing up as a man because it doesn’t. It’s a generalization with no basis in reality.
Growing up means becoming older and wiser. It means becoming more educated and confident in yourself. It’s exploring all your interests and hobbies or getting the haircut you were too scared to get in high school. It’s getting to know yourself and the people around you on a deeper level. It’s figuring out who you really are and not just what people expect of you. Growing up is a privilege that not everyone gets.
The future is full of possibilities; don’t be scared of it!
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