“The people you meet in college will replace your high school friends.” But what if you don’t want this?
Maintaining high school friendships is a lot easier than people think — as long as you want to maintain the friendship and put in the effort.
Although the friends you make in college are wonderful, it’s a completely different type of friendship than the kind you have with your high school friends; they’re the friends that experienced girlhood with you.
Oftentimes you share your first kisses, first periods, first loves, first heartbreaks, and so many more moments. They know the ins and outs of your childhood home, they love your dog almost as much as you do, and they call your grandparents Grandma and Grandpa instead of Barb and Brian.
I am lucky enough to have four of these girls — Lauren, Kiera, Faith and Hailey — and although we are separated for a majority of the year, we’re still as close as we have ever been.
We constantly facetime, text, and visit when we are able to, but you don’t necessarily need to do this to maintain the friendship. A simple text once in a while and seeing each other when you’re home can be enough to keep a friend in your life.
There is no issue with reinventing yourself as an incoming freshman or wanting to leave behind past friendships, but if you aren’t in that boat, it’s important to put in the effort with your long-distance friends, just as it is with any friendship.
On the flip side, it’s also important to know when to let go. It can be extremely difficult to recognize bad behavior in friends, especially those who you have known for a majority of your life.
However, nothing in your life is more important than your mental health and you as a whole, and it’s vital to develop the ability to cut contact with those people who don’t suit you.
When it comes to toxic or draining friendships, there are many signs you can look out for. Among these red flags are things like intentionally bringing you down, ignoring your boundaries, excluding you in events or conversations, lack of interest in your life, making everything about themselves, and more.
If you believe your friend is doing this, there are a variety of different ways to handle it depending on what you would like the outcome to be.
If you want to end the friendship, it is important to communicate why you want to do this. Although it can be intimidating, it’s important to do this in person so you can see each others’ facial expressions, tones, and body language.
When you have this conversation, it’s important to let them speak as well. This is an emotional experience, so maintaining your composure as best as possible is crucial. Don’t let anger take over.
If you want to continue being friends, which is a completely valid choice, it is still important to have a discussion with this person. Once again, sit them down — preferably in person — and explain what has been happening.
When speaking about what is bothering you, make sure to add that you don’t want this to affect your friendship, especially because they might be unaware of their behavior and want to change.
Although you shouldn’t hold on to toxic situations, people can change if they are willing to and friendships can survive if you are willing to see them through.
The ability to remove yourself from friendships like this is also crucial in college. This can be a difficult time in your life as you are trying to navigate a new area, new schedule, classes, independence, and so much more.
Every person you see on campus is going through the same new experiences as you and also needs someone there to support and care about them. If you realize someone doesn’t benefit you, it is okay to keep searching for new friends.
Childhood friends go through specific experiences with you, but so do college friends. In college, you are finding yourself and learning everything about life.
The female friendships you make during this time can also last a lifetime. You’ll experience the real world together as you get your first internships, jobs, and more. Having people going through it with you is a huge relief.
If you are in college or going into college, know that you can maintain past friendships while making new ones, and it is never too late to make new friends.
The amazing connections we have with other women will never be lost as long as We work To Preserve Them.
Want to keep up with HCBU? Make sure to like us on Facebook, follow us on Instagram, check out our Pinterest board, watch us on TikTok, and read our latest Tweets!