My college admissions process was far from normal. I committed to a school I hated, made the decision to leave, went through an entirely new college admissions cycle, and somehow ended up at Boston University for my spring semester. In simple terms, this is not where I pictured myself.
BU is undoubtedly an incredible institution, but there was one constant negative factor that made me question if BU was the right fit for me. It’s far from my hometown.
I did not want to go to college hours away from home. I am extremely close with my family and my hometown friends. I love the community that I’m fortunate enough to have, and the one I spent the first 18 years of my life building. I was content at home.
But then the time came to commit to a school for the spring semester. I’d applied to BU on a whim, since they had a spring admission cycle open to first year students. I did not intend to go. I never thought it would be possible financially or emotionally.
When admissions decisions came back, it was safe to say I did not have a “normal” reaction. I was lucky enough to get multiple offers, but one stuck out against the rest. As I opened my acceptance letter from Boston University, it felt like a punch to the gut. I would be going to school far from home.
I spent weeks racking my brain. Why did I have so much anxiety about attending a new school far away? This was everything I’d wished for, but I just never pictured myself actually doing it.
I came to the conclusion that I was scared to lose everything I had at home. I had so much fear that I would never create a pseudo-community that gave me the same sense of comfort as the real one I have at home. Four years is a long time. How would I possibly be able to do all of this growing and learning without my people around me?
This is something I still struggle with today. I feel like I am in a constant state of fight or flight. Every time I have to do something that scares me, or when I feel lonely, I get a wave of this “flight” instinct. And while it hasn’t completely gone away, I’m learning how to deal with it.
So, for my other long-distance daughters, I have a word of encouragement for you: by attending school far from home, you are not losing anything. Your community will always be there for you, whether you’re gone for one year, four years, or 10 years.
By making the choice to go far away for school, you have everything to gain. You won’t grow if you never leave your comfort zone. And you can always go back.
At the end of the day, college will only be a small chapter of your long life. Do the things your future self will be proud of. You can always go back home, but your time to experience life as a college student is limited.
I’ve only been at BU for two months. I still have so much growing to do!
I’m trying to enjoy the bumpy road, hoping it will lead me to beautiful things.
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