I have a diagnosed mental illness and only one person at this school knows about it.
It’s not because I am ashamed, it is simply because I don’t want it to define me. The people in my life that I have told have responded in a variety of ways. I have gotten sympathetic responses, and then I have gotten responses like “oh that makes sense,” or “yeah, I totally see it”. I think they are so wrong, which is why I hate telling people. I have the kind of mental illness that is controlled by medicine and isn’t visible to anyone.
I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2013. The type of bipolar that I have it isn’t rapid cycling, so since I take medicine, I don’t suffer from episodes and therefore do not show symptoms. I take my medicine every day and carry out my life the same way I did before getting the diagnosis in 2013. I live with this diagnosis and have the label there in my head, but I do not let it define me.
However, I know that other people will let this label define me, which is is why 99% of the time I keep it to myself. There is a stigma surrounding mental illnesses, which keeps many people from sharing this side of themselves with those close to them. The interesting thing is that all my friends at home know about this because of the timing of my diagnosis. I had already spent my life growing up with these people, and when the diagnosis came about in 2013 their view of me didn’t change because they had always known me as who I was.
Coming into college I knew this would be different, because the people here did not know me prior to my diagnosis. These people that didn’t know me would pass judgments on my character and who they believed me to be based on what I had just told them about my mental illness. For that reason I am going through my college career shielding this part of me from the people I meet. I do not let this label define me, so I don’t see why I should let anyone else define me, either. I will admit that it is hard to hide this part of myself from my friends here. Despite the fact that my friends here do not know this part of me, I am who I have always been and this diagnosis that I received three years ago has not, and never will change me as a person.
*Her Campus Bryant urges any and all readers to seek help if needed. While we respect the author’s decision to remain quiet, we also realize that some people need to open up in order to remain healthy. If you need help at any time, please contact Counseling Services at (401) 232-6045 or the Advocacy Helpline at (401) 258-4209*