“Are you sure you aren’t going to wear makeup today?” one of my quote on quote “friends” said to me when I got to school one morning freshman year of high school. I had always been a happy kid, indifferent to how my face looked. After that fateful encounter, however, I remember coming home from school that day rattled. I begged my mom for a dermatologist appointment, as I could barely stand to look at myself in the mirror anymore. From that day forward started my mission to clear my severe acne, one that is still ongoing to this day.
Antibiotics, pills, and more antibiotics. Each passing month my skin seemed to get worse and worse, to no avail. My dermatologist was flabbergasted, as he could not understand why nothing he prescribed seemed to be working. Alas, I was recommended the infamous acne drug that promises permanent clear skin for all, Accutane. Fearing intense side effects such as joint pain, eczema, and depression, many choose to refrain from the drug. Nevertheless, I took a course of Accutane as I refused to give up on my skin.
For a year following Accutane, I admittedly had perfectly clear skin-until the pimples returned. They came back slowly at first, slow enough for me to think that it was just a passing trend. Though as time passed, my acne came back with a vengeance. Accutane was supposed to cure my skin, but it was just a temporary fix. My self-esteem crumbled as I felt as if something was wrong with me. How could seemingly everyone else have clear skin except for me?
Long story short, eventually I ended up taking Accutane for a second time, though sadly experiencing more extreme side effects than the first course. To no surprise, my acne did come back again afterwards, but this time after only six months. Currently, I am living with mild to moderate acne, definitely better than the kind I experienced in my early teenage years. To this day, I still wonder, were all those prescriptions worth it? Was it truly worth it to sabotage my health for a better outward appearance?
Though I still don’t know the answers, I think it is important for people struggling with acne everywhere that they are not alone. It will get better even if at the moment it only seems to be getting worse. In the end, confidence is key and it should never be taken away by something as silly as acne.