How many times do you think you say yes to someone in a day? Yes, of course, I can meet for lunch today. Yes, I can definitely take on the extra hours at work this week. Of course, I can take on the biggest work-load for this group project due next week. Sound like you? What do you say no to in order to make everyone else happy? You say no to sleeping adequately to help your friend with her homework, you say no to letting yourself take a break during the day to go for a run with another friend, and you say no to your own needs in order to meet someone else’s.
Why do we feel the need to say yes to everyone around us? The amount of pressure we put on ourselves to meet everyone’s needs in order to feel relevant is built on a misconception that I feel the need to expose right now. It is NOT selfish to put yourself first. Let me say it again for the people you don’t seem convinced. If you only put other people’s needs first, you will eventually be so unhealthy you won’t be able to help anyone. Saying no to one thing will allow you the opportunity to say yes to something that makes you extremely happy. Being a happy, healthy individual also allows you to care for others around you far better than you could by putting everyone else first.
It comes down to this: nobody has more than 24 hours in a day. Therefore, the way you use your time is extremely important. Once I realized that being “nice” and saying yes to everything someone asks you weren’t synonymous was when I finally felt comfortable enough to start saying no to people. I stopped giving my time to anyone who would ask and started devoting more of my time to the people/things that I wanted to. It was through this practice that I realized what I was truly passionate about and saw who in my life was there for more than just my skills.
Being completely honest, I have to constantly remind myself that what I’m doing isn’t selfish. It’s a constant battle to choose my own peace of mind and health over others, and I still make mistakes, but it’s important to remember that you can be selfless without being detrimental to your own well-being.
“It’s not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself, and to make your happiness a priority. It’s necessary.” -Mandy Hale