I still get angry over my exes, but it’s OK.

Over the years I’ve caught myself feeling upset when I hear songs that remind me of my exes. And when I say upset I mean feelings of anger and annoyance. Although I’m absolutely over ALL of the guys I’ve dated in the past (I’ll say it again for the people in the back), I question why these emotions jump out at me when I least expect it. I was disappointed in myself, feeling weak and questioning whether this meant I truly wasn’t over it. But I knew I was. So, I’ve had a little think about why this still happens here and there, and I’ve realized that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with still being affected by past relationships. These relationships, whether short or dragged-out, have made us who we are today. I also realized that the songs that trigger this anger are purely breakup songs and never love songs. In fact, love songs which at one point were dedicated to old flames, now flood my mind with absolute love for my present boyfriend.

 

So let’s talk about why I think it's natural and healthy to still be affected by those people from the past. Well for one thing, they might have smashed your heart and left you to pick up the pieces. After experiencing feelings of extreme sadness, unworthiness, and self-doubt, it’s no surprise that these events may still be following you in the shadows, just waiting to creep up behind you. But this doesn’t mean you’re not over it. In a strange way, these emotions act as a reminder of what you went through, how you go through it, and how strong you are now. And OF COURSE it can be a reminder of what you DON’T deserve. Channel the real reason you’re angry or sad when you’re reminded of a past relationship. Is it because you miss them? Or because you can still remember what it felt like during such a rough point in your life? 

 

Julia’s own photo -- October 12, 2015

 

In my case, yes something like that did happen but I was eventually able to successfully piece the puzzle that I am back together. I’ve repaired some pieces, replaced some pieces, kept some pieces, and straight out trashed some pieces. Today, I still get pissed off when an emotional breakup song comes on, but not because I miss a person from the past but because I am sad for HER. For the OLD ME. But I’m also SO proud of her and who she is today. I am so proud of me for all that I am. Break up songs remind me of an older version of myself. They remind me of what I deserve and make me thankful for what I have - most importantly who I have. They remind me that I got through something rough and I came out the other end and that I am as happy as ever.

 

So the next time you’re listening to Selena Gomez, Taylor Swift, or Ed Sheeran or whoever  floods you with anger from the past: channel it, sulk in it (for just a second), and if you’re me analyze it. Most importantly - BE PROUD OF IT. Be proud of yourself for getting to where you are in the process of healing, wherever in that process you may be. It’s empowering.

 

Julia’s own photo -- October 14, 2019