If I had a nickel for everytime “exercise more” (or something similar) was on my list of January resolutions, I wouldn’t need a full-time job. Now if I received the nickel for everytime I successfully achieved that resolution, I would be living on the streets. It’s not about hating to exercise, it is the fact I trick myself into thinking I have to pick up running or start going to the gym at 5 AM, the ungodly hour mind you, and work out until I no longer can move my limbs. But why?
I wondered why I immediately thought running was the only way to make my goal of a more healthy lifestyle because if we are being honest with ourselves, no one likes running. I’m not exaggerating. My argument is people love what running does for them, the side effects. They like feeling proactive, healthy, the endorphin high afterward, there are some pretty nice perks of going out and hitting the pavement. However, the act of running itself is something the devil invented to torture our very beings.
So, I decided to make a list of alternate ways to get the same highs we do when we run, but without the awful, actually running, part. You’re welcome.
1. Exercising without shoes. I know, what kind of crazy person would exercise without shoes? Swimmers do. Yoga, stretching, dancing, the list goes on. The trick is to do something you enjoy doing, not something you enjoy the aftermath of doing. When you enjoy the verb, you are happier, which leads to endorphins (a.k.a. the natural high of life). Also, if you want more endorphins, you just crank up the intensity of your workout. Doing a dance workout? Dance faster. Swimming? Swim longer distances. It makes the gym a more enjoyable place than a ball ‘n chain.
2. Laughing. Laughing not only gives you a boost in happiness, but it also helps you lose weight. According to UK health news, they believe laughing gives the body a “mini aerobic workout”. This means you can literally laugh the weight away when you think about how you used to run. Earth is a funny place, here’s an extra perk of being able to find the golden nuggets of humor in the world.
3. Indulge in Chocolate. You read right, by eating chocolate it releases the natural endorphins to make you feel better and happier. When the world is down and dreary, chocolate is the ray of sunshine. Do keep in mind though, we are talking about dark chocolate, not the Hershey’s milk stuff. But, lucky for us, Lindt dark chocolate truffles are just as luxurious. Treat yo self ladies.
4. Eat Spicy Food. Since we are on the food train, it’s a good time to talk about hot tacos. Spicy food is not for everyone, but if you enjoy the sweet sensation of lava in your taste buds, this natural high is for you! I’m a believer in the spice, and if you get it hot enough, you’ll start sweating like running used to make you do. Just another bonus for feeling alive.
5. Sex. Exercising just got a whole lot more exciting. Having sexual relations can be just as spicy as hot foods but without the burning mouth. The boosts of immune systems, natural endorphins, adrenaline, and calorie burning, are all just some of the extra benefits that come with this activity. And who would rather run when you could make love instead?
6. Get Inspired by Music. Music is something everyone can relate to. It may be different genres or different artists, but everyone has something they enjoy turning on and losing themselves in. It’s pretty much the pizza of the non-food world. And now there are even better reasons to crank up the tunes. Science has confirmed the existence of the euphoric music-induced “chills.” Which basically means you have a natural high because you connect to a beat, a sound, or words. That’s why when we’re sad we turn up the “Sadness” playlist. It scientifically makes us feel better.
7. Anything That is NOT Running. Setting yourself on fire, eating needles, having your 5-year-old niece play the recorder non-stop into a megaphone, all of these things are better than running. Running makes you feel good after the fact, which is great and all. But you know what else feels good after it passes? Kidney stones.
Obviously, I’m not the advocate of the runner’s world and if you enjoy running, then chuckle at this list and enjoy your future jogs. I won’t judge you for participating in the devil’s favorite hobby, just don’t put me down for the running portion of a group triathlon. I’m more of a swimmer anyway.