Bittersweet beginnings
There is something so bittersweet about standing at the start of the rest of your life and still missing what’s come and gone, and the way things used to be. Being a freshman in college is uniquely emotional. You are constantly experiencing new things, but at the same time, grieving little pieces of your life you never knew you would miss. Somehow, nostalgia becomes more intense when you’re standing at the very beginning of a new chapter in your life, realizing that the old one is already behind you.
College can be over-romanticized. The millions of times I told people I was going to UCSB, all I heard was, “These are going to be the best years of your life.” Especially at a school like UCSB, with so much to offer on and off campus, people create a perspective and expectation that falls on you. Don’t get me wrong, college is awesome and so much fun, but there are so many new and unfamiliar things that can feel really overwhelming at times. I sometimes find myself missing the comfort of knowing everything like the back of my hand.
Fear of the unknown
I miss the quaintness of my neighborhood, the view from my bedroom, the consistency and predictability of old friends, the familiarity of routines, and even smaller ordinary things. There is a reason we gave a name to fear of the unknown, or as clinical psychologists call it, “the intolerance of uncertainty.” I now find myself feeling nostalgic for seemingly insignificant things, things I never realized were so special to me when they were happening. Things like sleepovers, the layout of my hometown Target, late-night ice cream runs, the exact path to my friend’s house, my best friend’s couch, the seat I frequented in my favorite classroom, even simply walking down the hall of my high school, seeing familiar faces everywhere.
The present is tomorrow’s nostalgia
It provokes a unique sadness knowing that it won’t be the same again; life is moving forward, and you no longer have the freedom and spontaneity that you once did. Things suddenly come to an end without the chance to say goodbye. It feels especially scary in college, as it, in a way, signifies the start of the rest of your life. While you will come back home, visit often, maybe live there in the summers, it will never feel the same. You will never inhabit that space as the same person you once did. When you come back, you hold a whole unique set of memories, have different experiences than your friends, and a new, changed perspective.
After college comes a whole new, ultra-intimidating future as you enter even higher education, the workforce, move across the country, leave your friends behind, and experience life on your own terms. With this in mind, while college may feel like the beginning of adulthood, it’s also the beginning of a chapter I’ll soon feel nostalgia for. You can miss your childhood and be excited about the future, crave home as you build a new one, and grieve the life you had while creating a beautiful new one. Life is an endless cycle of always waiting for something or mourning another. Take a minute to treasure it all, the new, the old, and especially the current.
Now more than ever, I am trying to appreciate my life before it slips me by. Every day we unknowingly create little memories that we will spend the rest of our lives remembering: college parties, staying up late talking with your roommates, Sands sunset walks, exploring IV and SB, even just staying longer in the dining hall laughing with your new friends. These things will mean more to us one day than we can even imagine. Ultimately, I think reminiscing, yearning for simpler times or predictability is completely natural, but when you let it consume you, you miss the moments that one day you will wish you could get back.
