Shouldn’t we have an emergency phone number to call when we face adversity in our friendships?Â
When we were kids, we’d often think our friends from the first grade would be our “forever friends,” but as we grow up, most of us realize that’s far from the truth. Our friendships are some of the most important relationships in our lives. We learn early on that not all friendships are the same, and not everyone we meet is meant to be our friend.Â
But what happens when we make a great friend, spend years trusting them, confiding in them, and learning about life beside them, and one day, that friend becomes a stranger again? Although they aren’t really a stranger because we may know their favorite color, their favorite childhood memory, and what scares them most, we begin to drift apart.Â
Not all friendships are destined to fade away, but not all friendships can be saved either. As we grow older, try new things, and start learning more about ourselves, the line of whether or not we should keep being friends with someone from our past often gets blurred. Although we spend most of our lives making friends and meeting new people, it’s hard to classify someone as a true friend.Â
When we do find a true friend, we believe every obstacle our friendship may face can be overcome together, but that’s not always the case. Sometimes, the tough decision to terminate a close friendship is the right one. I think this decision is unique to each friendship and each person.Â
Some things that a friend shouldn’t have to tolerate in a friendship are betrayal, manipulation, constant disrespect, and a sense of hierarchy. The ones we consider our true friends are often the ones who have proven to us that we can trust, see in our future, and rely on when we really need them.Â
Sometimes, it’s hard to let go of a longtime friend or even a friend we never expected to commit such an unforgivable act. It’s those unforgivable things that are specific to each individual, based on what they are willing to tolerate and what they aren’t. Most of the time, friends will forgive a moment of rudeness, forgetting a birthday, or even breaking a promise. But constant lying or even habitually underestimating a person can turn a longtime friend into a stranger.Â
Some things just aren’t forgivable, and that’s okay. We shouldn’t classify every mistake our friends make as a reason to let go, but we shouldn’t take the big things so lightly either.Â
Maybe the rude comment your friend made about you in public last week really stuck with you. Maybe you trusted them, but they were caught defaming you. Or maybe you just grew up and grew out of that friendship.
Whatever the reason is, we might question, outgrow, or feel hurt by our friends, and it is valid enough to carefully reevaluate our friendships. So, who should we turn to when we have these doubts? We can turn to our other friends, siblings, or maybe even a stranger.
Most of all, I think we should turn to ourselves. I think every version of ourselves that has both made new friends and ended old friendships has led us to who we are today.
It’s up to us to decide for ourselves who’s a friend worth keeping and who’s not.Â
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