The Only Living Girl In Boston: How To Kill The Old You

There are always little things about ourselves that we hate. Things we only do in private, things we only say in our heads, and old habits that ancient versions of ourselves possessed. We say that we’re young and we need to make these mistakes to grow. 

We can run late even though we know better. We can keep biting our nails even though we know it’s bad for us. We can gossip even though it’s unkind. It’s just what girls our age do, right?

Maybe; but that doesn’t mean it’s what you have to do. 

These bad habits we carry and the excuses we use to support them may make us a bit self-aware of our fallibility, but it doesn’t always make us better. That is, not unless you’re actively trying to fix them. 

For me, it’s been torture to be aware of my flaws without having plans to fix them. I’ve allowed these flaws to consume the ideas I have about myself — which is another bad habit.

You are not your flaws. You are not your bad habits. You are a culmination of everything and are ever-changing. Every day you wake up is the dawn of a new life, the birth of a new person, and a chance to do better. 

Take biting your nails. What makes you bite your nails? Is it stress? Are there better ways to channel that energy, like writing or drawing? A possible solution could be chewing gum to fulfill an oral fixation. 

I understand that your flaws may not be something as simple as biting your nails, but identifying your issues is often the biggest step to becoming a better version of yourself. Acknowledging what you’ve done, the people you’ve hurt, or the damage that your actions have caused are big steps toward knowing that you never want to be that person again. You must try to fully absorb the consequences of your actions and move forward.

Guilt is one of the most selfish feelings. It allows you to feel as though you’ve repented without ever doing the actual work. Carry your guilt, sure, but don’t stay awake at night ruminating on the things you can’t change. You’ll never grow that way. 

I suggest you try to move on and forgive yourself. Keep living your life with the knowledge you have and start to be a better person. You can’t control what other people think, so let them have their own feelings and let yourself grow. 

Another thing to remember is that you’re not perfect. You will fall again, but you can always start again too. When you catch yourself doing things that you don’t love about yourself, you have the choice to stop. You have the choice to stop biting your nails, to stop gossiping. It’s all up to you. 

You don’t necessarily have to kill the old you. Carry her with you if you’d like. She’s a lesson, not some sort of black sheep. 

Learn from her and be better for yourself. 

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