“My alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude”. -Warsan Shire
I think being a girl is an extremely isolating experience in itself. There’s enough things in the world that make me want to cry and rage in a way that I think nobody would understand. That’s ironically something that I’m sure most girls would relate to.
I remember reading Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, and thinking Victor Frankenstein may have been one of the loneliest characters ever written. Throughout the book, he isolates himself willingly in a manner that is almost self-destructive. However, half my mind was intrigued by how Mary Shelley wrote this character. It felt so real, so authentic, and to no surprise, as far as my research went, Shelley herself was a woman who experienced much loneliness and isolation in her life.
I don’t wish to romanticize her loneliness, she was a woman of exceptional intelligence and literary prowess who existed at a time where the literary space was dominated by men. She was bound to feel alienated and alone at some point. But out of that loneliness came some of the greatest pieces of literature humanity has known.
Alone is a factual state, it is the physical act of being without the company of others. While being lonely is more of a feeling. One can feel lonely even in a room full of people. The feeling of loneliness is one of the most painful and terrible aspects of being human. Unfortunately, I find that everyone learns the hard way that loneliness is a part and parcel of life. There will be a point(if not many) moments in your life where you will feel a sort of hollowness in your heart, a feeling that unsettles you and makes you think you’re missing something big from your life.
This is where I refuse to let being alone become anything but a power or a choice of my own. I want to be the strong independent woman in the way that I can choose myself sometimes and be happy with the decision. ‘Protecting one’s peace’ is what social media wellness influencers would call that, but I think more than peace what matters is that we store within ourselves with no external judgement. I don’t just sit with my thoughts when I’m alone, instead I do the most mundane, ordinary things. I go for a walk, eat out, buy a movie ticket for one. It’s easier said than done and I know that better than anyone but once you become comfortable being alone, it does wonders for your confidence. Although I don’t agree with the notion that one doesn’t need company to be happy, I would still like to know that I at least don’t need to depend on others for just getting out of my bed every single day.
I like the fact that I am capable of everything I do with others, by myself and happily so.