As Taylor Swift once sang, “They say, Home is where the heart is, but that’s not where mine lives.” I never knew these words to be so true until I found myself 1,306 miles away from my own.
Being in a long-distance relationship has shown me how love looks different when you can’t always be together. You learn to appreciate the little things, find comfort in routines, and discover new ways to make the time pass. It’s also about learning how to navigate all the challenges that come with it: feeling pressure from social media, creating balance between your life and relationship, missing the simple moments you once took for granted, and many more.
I won’t pretend it’s been easy. Most of the time, it feels like the absolute worst pain in the world. It has only been with time that I have found the things that work for me. From creating a balanced schedule for my life to figuring out how to communicate best, the experience has taught me a lot about myself and what it means to love someone from afar.
Every relationship and circumstance is different, so take my experiences with a grain of salt. I’m certainly no expert, but two years of experience have certainly taught me a thing or two. Here are some of the lessons I have learned, and the little things that have made the transition feel easier along the way.
Keeping Yourself Busy Is a Good Thing
In the past two years, I have learned how I can actively miss my boyfriend while still enjoying my own life. When you are in a long-distance relationship, it’s easy for feelings of sadness to consume you. Whether you are waiting for the next time to call, or dwelling on the time you once shared together, time can pass slowly.
I have found that having a routine of my own makes the distance easier to manage. There’s something truly special about devoting my time not only to my relationship, but also to the ability to discover things about myself while away at school. Having a life outside of your relationship is also important for maintaining your independence.
I had never considered myself a co-dependent person. Leading up to a long-distance relationship, I found that I thrived on my own, and never thought I would need partnership to thrive. While I still find that to be the case, there have been times when long-distance shattered that belief.
Being in love doesn’t mean that the rest of your life should be on pause. You can be excited to tell them about your plans, your friends, and the goals you are actively working towards. Those moments can help include each other in the moments we may not be there together for.
My advice is to keep devoting yourself to the things you enjoy. Being busy isn’t the direct solution to avoid missing someone, and sometimes the distance will make your days harder. However, creating a balance between your life and relationship can form a healthy space during the times you feel overwhelmed.
Don’t Compare Your Relationship to Anyone Else’s
“Comparison is the thief of joy” is a common phrase you may hear attributed to many different people. With this phrase in mind, why do we spend so much time comparing ourselves?
I’d be lying, though, if I said I haven’t fallen victim to this. It’s hard to scroll on social media and not notice all the other couples spending time together. To ignore all the couple TikTok trends, the surprise visits, and the mundane fights you wish you could have too. When you are 1,306 miles away from your partner, it’s hard not to wonder what life could have been if your relationship looked a little more like theirs.
Social media only shows us so much. No one ever likes to post unflattering selfies of themselves, so why would they post the difficulties within their relationship? We only ever see the planned dates and the perfectly curated Instagram dumps, but rarely do we see the missed calls, the disagreements, or the times when the distance is too much of a burden to carry. It can be easy to feel less than about your relationship when your sample comparison is the highlights of someone else’s without considering everything that happens.
go Beyond the Doubts
The same can be said for all the noise that surrounds long-distance itself. More often than not, you will hear criticism or even experience judgment. For some, it may not have been successful, or maybe the thought of being far away from someone they love is too much to bear. That’s fair. Long distance is not for everyone, and it has not been easy. But does that mean that because it failed for someone, it will fail for you too? Of course not.
It is easy to let people’s ideas of your relationship influence the way you view it yourself. Some people may believe it’s in your best interest, but at some point you have to realize others’ experiences are not your own. While it’s important to consider the advice of your close circle, you can’t let it control your expectations moving forward. You can actively take advice, while still creating a boundary for your personal choices.
I have had to learn the relationship is mine, and mine alone. The only two people who should be involved are my partner and I. We are the ones figuring it out, the ones actively working through the struggles, and the only ones with a valid opinion. I would much rather judge my relationship by the love and effort put into it than have it be torn apart by someone else’s preconceived notions of long-distance.
See you soon….
When it comes to a long-distance relationship, there is no exact guidebook to follow. What may work for me may not work for you. Some days you might be thriving in your respective spaces, while other days it may feel like the worst circumstances in the world. I think both can coexist, even in the healthiest relationships.
If you are in a long-distance relationship, it’s important that you take the time to decide what works for you. You don’t need to have it all figured out immediately. Instead, you should work with your partner to strengthen your relationship and make the distance work.
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