The first summer my partner and I spent apart didn’t exactly go as smoothly as we thought it would. After months of seeing each other all the time throughout the semester, we decided we’d just “figure it out” once summer came.
Between different schedules and a sudden lack of quality time, we hit a point where things felt off more often than not. Nothing was wrong; we just didn’t know how to adjust our relationship to the distance yet.
After figuring out what works for us, our relationship was stronger coming back in the Fall, and even more so going into our next summer. As someone who’s been through it before, here’s my guide to navigating long-distance relationships over summer break.
- Set a Schedule
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Before summer actually begins, it’s a good idea to talk to your partner about where you’ll be. Between different jobs, vacations, and time zones, it’s a given that things won’t be the same as they are during the semester. You won’t be texting in between classes or getting together at the end of the day. It’s not exactly the easiest transition when that’s the routine you’re used to.
One thing that my partner and I found works for us is shorter daily check-ins, rather than trying to find time to call for hours. During the summers, we’re both busy in different places. We started a routine of sharing the best part of our day, the worst part of our day, and the best thing we ate.
It became a great way for us to feel connected while meeting a need we established before the summer began, which made the rough transition feel a little smoother.
- Redefine Effort
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One thing I noticed about the change is that the conversations feel more intentional, and sometimes, maybe even forced. It’s hard because you might not always have something to say; maybe you’ve already talked about your day, and there’s nothing new to catch up on. It’s easy to confuse feelings of frustration from the change with feelings of frustration towards the relationship.
Effort when you’re together shows up differently than when you’re apart. Maybe for your relationship, it looks like weekly debriefs to catch up or finding the time to watch episodes of the same show at the same time. Whatever works for your relationship when you’re together, you can find a way to adapt that for distance.
- Find Patience
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Nothing’s more irritating than sending multiple texts throughout the day, and when you finally get a response just before midnight, it’s only replying to one. Initially, this drove me insane. I came to the conclusion most of us have said at least once: He’s just not a good texter.
Unfortunately, this is just another part of the changed scenery. Along with setting a plan and redefining effort, finding patience to get through the summer is the way to go about it. Summer is temporary, and so are the strains that distance brings to relationships. Even still, finding things to do together while apart can be difficult.
- A Few Things to Try
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For my fellow FaceTime haters out there, one thing I enjoyed was sending mini vlogs. When I had free time and thought of something, I’d hit record and start yapping. From work updates to talking about the terrible drivers in my area (mostly that second part), taking a moment to share my random thoughts the way I do when we’re together helped both of us feel closer throughout the summer.
Another activity my partner and I enjoy doing together is trying new foods, whether that’s a different restaurant or a fun recipe. When we’re apart over the summers, we’ve started deciding on something we both want to try, go try it on our own, and then give each other a food review. What started as adapting our usual activity to long distance turned into a virtual date I look forward to each summer.
Something new we’re trying this summer is virtual tours. My partner will be busy with work in another state, and I’ll be busy studying abroad in another country, so our usual long-distance activities might not be as doable with different time zones.
For virtual tours, find time to FaceTime (I know, this is an exception) and screen share to Google Maps. Then, take turns showing the other person around, and maybe share stories about where you’ve been or where you’ll go next, whatever works for you! This is a fun idea for couples who will be spending their summer in a more intense time zone or with scheduling differences.
Finding ways to feel close when you’re far apart can be challenging, but it’s so worth it. The adjustment isn’t easy, and every couple is different, but I hope this guide helps you navigate the distance in your relationship over the summer!
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