One of my mottos during my early twenties was “I am who I am, and nobody can change that.” I embraced my individuality and cared very little about those who didn’t like or accepted who I was. This attitude eventually caught up with me at work and I unfortunately lost my job. The introspection that followed this experience was very difficult to process. Eventually, I realized the real problem: I was so tied up with my ego that I was taking a lot of life lessons for granted. I acknowledged that, if I didn’t commit to changing some things about myself, I would repeat my mistakes.
After struggling with my emotions for about a year, I found a psychologist who recommended I try mindfulness. I began researching and eventually bought a book that helped me put it into practice. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle helped me put things into perspective, both internally and externally. But most of all, it helped me understand one important aspect I was having trouble with: letting go of my ego.
What is the emotional pain-body?
Our thoughts don’t define us
Because the ego identifies with our thoughts, we think we are our thoughts. But these thoughts tend to be in alignment with the pain-body. Tolle explains that, if you are angry and you decide to dwell on this anger, you are no longer in control of your mind. The moment of anger has passed, so why dwell on an inexistent problem that distracts you from the present moment?
That little voice in your head that won’t let go of the anger is your ego identifying with your pain-body. And when you come to this realization, you can decide to either ignore it or observe it.
Observe your thoughts
Fulfillment is inside you
Another dangerous aspect of ego identification is an overindulgence with the external. When we feel incomplete or unworthy, we look for something to fill the gap. According to Tolle, the most common ego identifications can be possessions, social status, physical appearance, relationships, belief systems, professions, knowledge, and the list goes on. But, just like our thoughts, none of these things make us who we are. Nor will they fulfill us. Fulfillment comes from the inside when we start making decisions that benefit our well-being. And, sometimes, our well-being depends on letting go of the things or people we don’t want to let go of.
Yes, we are who we are. And individuality isn’t a bad thingーwe all like different things. But you are not what your thoughts say you are. It’s up to you to observe your thought patterns and how they affect your emotions. Nobody else can do that for you. Yes, professional help is always a great idea if you need it (and it really does help). But it’s up to you to take the first step.