I never could’ve imagined all the bad things that would happen to me, but I also never could’ve imagined all the good things that would happen to me either. No matter where I am up, I’m so, so proud of you for what you accomplished and what you have persevered through.
Dear freshman me,
I know you have so much anxiety about going away to college. This will be the first time that you’re away from all your friends and family, and you’re unsure whether or not you’ll be able to make friends. You confirmed your acceptance to MSU because you fell in with the professional and public writing major, but you’re still unsure of what you want to do as a career. You left high school believing that you were a fully realized adult: you could not be more wrong.
Here are some things I wish someone had told me at 18. It’s ok to not know what you want to do for the rest of your life. Over the course of your college career, you will add an additional major in creative advertising, only to switch to creative writing, and then switch that for sociology, all within the span of your sophomore year. You’ll go from wanting to work in editing and publishing to social work, to settling on getting a PhD and working in academia (Guess what, you’ll still be unsure of what field you want to pursue).
Life is not about having everything figured out — life has a funny way of sneaking up on you and making you reevaluate your decisions! There’s beauty in the uncertainty. What you decide at 18 or even 22 will most likely not be your complete career path. A few days ago, I had a professor tell the class, “I’m 60 years old and I still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.”
The second lesson I wish someone had told me at 18 is this: It’s not noble to suffer. You do not get a special prize for not communicating your feelings. The longer you wait to set boundaries, the worse you will feel. Instead of fearing confrontation, think of it as a conversation. Most of the time, people want what’s best for you and are willing to listen: the ones who do not should not be in your life.
To overcome your fear of confrontation, I recommend that you practice difficult conversations with a trusted friend or a therapist. Rehearse it a few times, and reflect on how it feels when you say it. Confrontation is a skill that needs to be practiced; over time, you will become better at this skill and will use it for all aspects of your relationships.
Lastly, please never lose your hope in people. One of your biggest strengths is the ability to connect with others, despite how poorly you might’ve been treated in the past. Never stop complimenting random girls’ outfits, she could be your next best friend. Always ask your classmates how their weekend was. Go to birthday parties, football games, bar crawls, and movie nights. When you feel like you’re at your lowest, it’s your friends who will support you. As cheesy as it sounds, take advantage of the accessible community you have at MSU. Soon you and your friends will graduate and have adult jobs and live hours away from you. Again, maintain that community, even if you only see each other every few months, never let go of the memories you made at MSU.
During your time at MSU, you will change in ways you never thought were possible. You will fall in love, only to get your heart broken, lose friends, have a terrible roommate, study abroad for two months in Spain, go on a series of awful Hinge dates, sob into your best friend’s arms and then go to the dining hall together.
I never could’ve imagined all the bad things that would happen to me, but I also never could’ve imagined all the good things that would happen to me either. No matter where I am, I’m so, so proud of what you accomplished and what you persevered through.