I started asking myself this question recently when I opened any of my social media platforms: Who am I posting this for? Not: What am I posting? Not: Does this picture look good? Not: How many likes will I get? The question really is, who actually needs to see this? Sometimes I’ll post something about my day and realize that the people seeing it aren’t actually part of my life.
None of my “contacts” or “friends” on my accounts even reach out to me anymore. So why should I be posting to keep them updated on what I’ve been up to? They’ll know where I went, what I ate, what I wore, and who I was with. But do they actually know me?
That’s when I started thinking about the difference between being seen and being known. Social media has made it incredibly easy to stay connected. Pew Research has found that these platforms play a major role in how young people maintain friendships and communicate with one another.
And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. I’ve made connections online, and I’ve stayed in touch with people because of social media. I’ve even seen someone’s life from hundreds of miles away.
But I’ve also started wondering whether we’ve confused access with closeness. I can follow someone without talking to them. I can watch someone’s story without knowing how they’re actually doing. I can like someone’s birthday post without having spoken to them in months. Somehow, that can make me feel like we’re still friends. But are we?
That’s the question I’ve been stuck on. If you’re my friend in real life, why does our friendship need to exist online, too? Why do I need to like your posts? Why do I need to watch your stories? Why do you need to see mine? Why do we need to constantly document that we’re still connected?
I’m tired of maintaining a digital version of relationships that already exist in real life, and maybe I’m even more tired of maintaining relationships that only exist through feeds. Pew Research also found that social media can genuinely make young people feel more connected to their friends. At the same time, social media can create curated versions of people’s lives and relationships.
Someone can know a lot about your life without actually being a part of it. They can know where you last traveled to, but not necessarily why you needed to get away. They can see that you had a great night, but they don’t know what happened before the picture. They can watch every story you post, yet not know how you’re actually doing. Swiping up on stories, liking posts, and commenting does not replace a meaningful phone call to check in.
I’m starting to wonder whether I want more people watching my life, or more people living it with me. Maybe that’s why I’ve been wanting to step away from social media. Not because social media is inherently bad, or because I think everyone needs to delete their social media platforms or accounts, and definitely not because I suddenly hate my friends. I don’t want my life to feel like content anymore. I don’t need an audience. The people who actually matter and care about me don’t need to watch my life through a screen anyway.
Social media is mostly a highlight reel of the things people want others to see. People want to share all the cool or exciting things they are doing, not how life is actually treating them behind the scenes. So, when I post, am I posting to brag or because I have to? Or do I do it because I really want to? If the answer to that question is the first, it is time to reevaluate what I am using social media for.