Growing up, my mother always told me that everything always happens for a reason, even the hard things in life. Despite this, I often found it impossible to see the silver lining in the tough situations I went through. However, after a major argument with one of my best friends at the time, I realized that my mother was right. Because even though I couldn’t understand why I had to go through that at the moment, that friend breakup eventually led me to get the help and care I needed for my borderline personality disorder (BPD).
I was officially diagnosed with BPD in the fall of 2024. I suspected for years that I might’ve had it due to some of the issues and things I was experiencing — like my extreme mood swings and episodes —, so it was no surprise when the psychiatrists I was seeing confirmed this for me. I was prescribed lamotrigine, a mood stabilizer usually used in patients with bipolar disorder and epilepsy, at the time of my diagnosis, but eventually I ran out and never bothered seeing a psychiatrist after. I honestly thought that I could handle my BPD on my own with the occasional therapy session, but I was wrong.
Having BPD has affected many areas of my life, especially relationships. My anxiety and severe overthinking make being able to handle and maintain healthy relationships incredibly difficult, as I tend to constantly ask for reassurance. And my friendship with Noelle* was no different.
I worried constantly that I did something to upset her, that we weren’t OK, or if I had done something wrong.
While I first met Noelle in middle school, we later reconnected during my sophomore year of college, since she was transferring to my university and moving out of her hometown. By the time August rolled around, she still hadn’t found a place to live, so to help her out, I let Noelle stay with me for a month. I thought that her staying with me would strengthen our relationship, but in reality, it did the opposite.
Stress began to build up on both of us as the semester started, more so on Noelle than me: She was juggling classes, a job, finances, and finding a place to stay. She slowly started to become distant, even though we were living together; we slowly started to talk less and drift apart. I’ve always had a habit of taking things a little too personally, and the growing distance between us caused me to slowly spiral. I started constantly asking Noelle for reassurance. I worried constantly that I did something to upset her, that we weren’t OK, or if I had done something wrong.
I was feeling distant and frustrated with my situation with Noelle, but at the time, I was too scared to open up to Noelle about how I was feeling. So, I did what any mature person would do (note the sarcasm, here): I went to social media to voice how I felt. I posted a snarky note about how I thought living with my best friend would make her and me closer, but it didn’t. Of course, Noelle saw it and asked me about it. I could’ve done the right thing and answered her, but honestly, I ignored her messages.
Later that night, Noelle came home from work, and when she did, she knocked on my door. I was still ignoring her; in my mind, she had already left me, and I didn’t think trying to save the friendship would be worth it. I felt hurt by what was happening over the past weeks, and I found opening up to her to be hard. But eventually, I caved. I knocked on her door, and she opened it up.
I’m so glad that things with Noelle transpired the way they did — because even though getting help was hard and a decision that took a long time to make, it ended up changing my life.
At first, we argued. I exploded and told her that I felt like we were drifting apart and that I hated that. I asked her what had changed between us and told her I felt like things had shifted between us since she moved in. She then explained to me that it wasn’t me; she was drained from life, and my asking her for reassurance constantly wasn’t making things easier. She then told me that she understood that I had BPD and troubles navigating relationships and told me I needed to get help: “You can’t handle this alone, and that’s OK,” she told me. “I think you genuinely need medication.”
I broke down hearing that. I told her that I was trying, but that I was really struggling. I told her everything that was going on in my head and apologized for the way I was acting. I didn’t think she’d respond well, and I would’ve understood why: I had been petty and immature and stressed her out, but instead of saying nothing, she held me and wiped my tears away, which made me cry even more.
“I could’ve packed all my stuff up and driven away tonight after what happened, but I didn’t,” she told me as she held my face. “I really care about you and want to keep being friends, but I need you to get the help you need and get medicated — or else this won’t be sustainable or healthy for either of us.”
I nodded. We hugged goodnight. The next day, it felt like the weeks of built-up tension and secret resentment were gone; the drive to school was easy, and we talked and laughed together for the first time in weeks.
Later that day, I called a psychiatrist to talk about getting medicated. I had an appointment with a psychiatrist that week and got prescribed lamotrigine again. I was scared that taking medicine would have a negative effect on me due to my past experiences, but it ended up helping me a lot. I found that lamotrigine helped me a lot with my extreme ups and downs, along with my mood swings.
I’m so glad that things with Noelle transpired the way they did — because even though getting help was hard and a decision that took a long time to make, it ended up changing my life. If things hadn’t gone the way they did, who knows if I would’ve gotten the help I needed? Despite our falling out, I’m still so glad it happened — because, at the end, the struggle ended up making my life a lot more manageable going forward.
*Names have been changed.
If you or someone you know is seeking help for mental health concerns, visit the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) website, or call 1-800-950-NAMI(6264). For confidential treatment referrals, visit the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) website, or call the National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP(4357). In an emergency, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK(8255) or call 911.