I thought I had my life figured out at 18… until I got to college and realized I didn’t.
As seniors graduate and commit to their next chapters, and first-years finish their freshman year of college, it’s easy to feel like everyone else has their future figured out.
There’s a quiet pressure in college to fit a certain standard: to know your path, your goals, your “next step”. I’ve felt that too. Even now, while I have a clear idea of the career I want to pursue, there were moments when I felt completely unsure and behind, like I wasn’t measuring up to what a college student is “supposed” to be.
However, uncertainty doesn’t mean you’re lost. It means you’re still exploring, still growing, and still figuring out what actually fits you.
the uncertainty no one talks about
As a senior in high school, your life is going through so many different changes. You are experiencing your last high school memories, committing to a university or planning out your career path, and graduating high school. You’re turning 18, the age where we are told this is when we become “adults”.
In the middle of all these milestones, there’s also something people don’t talk about enough: the uncertainty.
When I was going through this transition myself, I remember questioning everything. I consider myself as someone with big dreams, and choosing a career path right after high school made me feel confident. Like I knew exactly where I was meant to be.
Though, I kept asking myself: Am I picking the right school? Is this the right major for me? How am I going to move away? What if I fail a class? What will people think?
I was planning on pursuing a career in law, and I still am. Yet, the moment I started doubting myself, everything changed. My thoughts wouldn’t slow down, all centered around fear. The stress and confusion weighed on me.
Even after committing to a school, I wasn’t fully sure if I had made the right choice. I questioned if I should’ve chosen differently, if I would fit in, or if I was already falling behind. That feeling didn’t stop there either. It followed me into my major, where I struggled at times and wondered if I truly belonged, or if I should take an easier path and completely change my plans.
where my perspective changed
Here I am now, a first-year sitting in the library of the school I once questioned, entering my spring quarter. Being here changed me in ways I didn’t expect.
I used to let the question “What will people think and will I fail?” take a toll on my decisions. Looking back now, I realize that fear was controlling my everyday life. I would overthink the small things: Did they study more than I did? Did people notice I was sitting alone? Did they see my test score?
The truth is, when you’re a freshman in a completely new environment, it’s easy to believe everyone else has their life figured out. But the truth is most people are just as nervous about their future as you are.
The turning point for me wasn’t some huge moment, it was a series of small ones. I started forcing myself to do things alone and fully experience the opportunities around me. I would grab matcha in between classes, sit in the UCen, or study before lectures started. I began to find comfort in something I never expected: doing things on my own.
At first, it felt uncomfortable, but over time I realized something surprising: Nobody actually cared that I was alone or what I was doing.
Once I stopped worrying, everything shifted. I started talking to people. Sometimes it was just a quick compliment on someone’s outfit or asking the person next to me about the lecture notes. Despite that, those tiny interactions made campus feel smaller and more welcoming.
Instead of feeling like I was being judged, I started feeling like I belonged.
Here’s what I wish I knew as a senior graduating high school: confidence in college isn’t something people arrive with, it’s something they build. Everyone is adjusting. Everyone is figuring things out. Most people are too focused on their own lives to analyze yours.
I came into college questioning if I had made the right choice. Now, I’m sitting here knowing I did. Even though I don’t have everything figured out yet, I’m no longer afraid of that uncertainty because I’ve learned that growth comes from stepping into it.