At what point does productivity become toxic? At what point do you live to accomplish, rather than live to experience?
As a goal-oriented person, these questions hit home. I often find myself bored without something to chase. Constant stimulation — new goals, new plans, new projects — feels like my baseline. I feel off without it, which is why vacations and breaks don’t feel like freedom to me. Instead, the opportunity to slow down and relax can feel more like a prison than a privilege. I feel stuck, even useless. It feels like I’m wasting time instead of taking advantage of it.
​This pressure extends to college life, where the urge to be productive takes many forms. What extracurriculars are you in? Do you have a summer internship? Even better: Do you have a job lined up after graduation? I hear these questions often, but they are loudest in my own head when I ask them to myself.
​For example, at the beginning of the semester, I declared a minor. I hadn’t even taken a class yet, but I was quick to tell my friends and update my LinkedIn. I felt a wave of relief, as if I had secured another piece of my future.Â
For a moment, I felt ahead.
​However, that feeling didn’t last. It didn’t take long before a different set of questions crept in: Is this something you actually enjoy? Why did you choose this? The truth was, I didn’t have an answer. I took a step back. I felt uneasy about my decision, as if I had made it blindly.
​It feels safe to “have it all figured out.” With decisions that follow a steady path, you don’t have to risk feeling lost. You don’t have to question what you want or who you are because it’s all laid out for you. But in following this path, you start living in the past, present, and future all at once. You work toward a goal set by your past self.Â
This becomes dangerous when you stop asking yourself important questions. What do I like? What don’t I like? How do I feel? How am I doing? What am I doing? And why?
​At first, these things feel exciting. But over time, they can become something else. If I’m only doing something to accomplish it, I expect the result. So, when it comes, it doesn’t feel as satisfying as I thought it would. It simply feels like something I was supposed to do.
​In contrast, when I actually enjoy being present in what I do, the result feels different. It’s a reflection of my passion — of something real — not just something I checked off.
If you don’t enjoy the process but do it anyway, you rely on the result to make it worth it, expecting it to justify the time, effort, and energy you put into it. However, if you enjoy the process, the result becomes a byproduct rather than the reason.
I decided to drop my minor a few weeks ago. In doing so, I silenced the voice in my head that judged me for “only having a major.” Now, I can fill my free electives with classes I am genuinely interested in — not classes I should take. I have found peace with uncertainty by trusting my passions.
​Maybe that’s the shift: focusing on the present and enjoying the process itself. If you only look forward to the result, you will always be waiting. And when it comes, it’s never enough.Â
When you genuinely enjoy what you are doing, results feel different. It becomes less of something you needed and more of what followed your intention.
Maybe that’s the difference between being a human doing and a human being.
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