Is it just me, or does being mediocre feel like a curse? And how exactly can we define mediocre?
Not the actual state of being average—everyone is average at something, but the feeling of watching the pedestal you were placed on slowly wobble.
I grew up being the “golden child”. The kid who got certificates without grinding, who got grades without putting in the effort, who was never a cause of concern. I heard my relatives go from “She excels at everything!” to “She’s such a good kid”. A polite statement, but I could hear the undertones of disbelief and disappointment. How can a child who was good at everything be so confused about what they want to do in life? People are too nice to target your low points and ask you to “get it together”. So they let me work at my own pace.
In eleventh grade, I took Science and wanted so badly to be a “STEM girly”. I had a plan—I was gonna get into one of those prestigious colleges, become a software engineer, earn in six-digits, then splurge. But my brain capacity had different plans. Apparently remembering all the Rotational Motion formulas took the life out of me. So after school ended I made up my mind. I dropped the act. I pulled a Farhan from 3 Idiots—minus the wildlife photography (for now)—and chose a path I actually wanted. Thankfully, my abba agreed in a heartbeat. Hence started my journey of BBA.
Here in college, the subjects are not at all like science (obviously). Now I don’t want to say they’re easier and cause a scandal, but let’s just say that I don’t have to use a lot of my cerebral capacity. Does that mean I have become a topper and regained my badge of being a golden child? Absolutely not.
The thing is, my personality is a deadly combination of procrastination and perfection. I won’t start my assignment on the day I get it. I’ll wait for the perfect moment—a sign from God to tell me that it’s now time to lock in. But God seems to have a lot on his hands, because he sends me a sign one day before the deadline, with complimentary anxiety.
Then comes the sugar rush. Water is replaced with cans of RedBull and Monster (Sting when I’m too broke—which is always). But if truth be told, I can finish my work without these energy drinks. I’m driven by my deep rooted fear of failing again. Again? My mind is such a paradox. Some days, I feel leaving engineering in the past was a good enough failure for a lifetime. And on other days, I remember how some of my friends were pushed to study a subject they hated. So was leaving STEM a failure or just part of my journey to success?
Being the “golden child” wasn’t the problem. The real issue was believing that once you shine, you’re never allowed to flicker. But growing up isn’t about maintaining the brightness—it’s about learning who you are without the spotlight, the labels, and the expectations. And sometimes, that involves starting over. Or switching lanes. Or disappointing a few loved ones. But I feel once you discover yourself, these messy experiences will just be a lore that comes up during get-togethers with friends and family. “Oh! Remember how you were gonna become an IITian Garima?” Very funny. Last year I would not have laughed but now that I study the subjects that actually make me happy, I don’t regret it one bit.
If you relate to this, here’s the truth: you are not mediocre. You are evolving. And that process is messy, confusing, and a lot of times caffeinated—but it’s real, and you keep moving forward.
And maybe, just maybe, that’s enough.