Usually when one gets a headache, what are the options? Pop an aspirin or an ibuprofen and get on with your day. Unfortunately, chronic headaches are a different beast altogether. And when you’re a student and you deal with headaches that last all day, everyday, there’s only so much time before you start struggling in, well, everything.
And for me, the struggle was amplified every time I came into a public space. I felt lost. Not just the psychological, angsty lost, but the literal lost. Dizziness became the headache’s companion, and suddenly, my world started tipping sideways and slant.
It felt like undergoing a minor earthquake every second of every day. But it was a long time before I realized this was an actual issue.
Starting in the COVID-19 pandemic, these headaches became so common that I started thinking it was normal. It was normal to wrestle with pain while doing homework, when you were in class trying to pay attention. Even feeling dizzy in a public place became common to the point of feeling normal.
The first time I realized this was an actual issue was when I went to the movie theater one day this past summer. Facing the dizziness yet again, I was not living in the present moment and I couldn’t figure out where the concession stand line started from.
This time, blurry vision became a third companion to the duo. When I saw what I thought was an opening to the line, I stood and when it was my turn, I went to the cash register line. And there I faced one of the most humiliating moments of my life.
The cashier looked at me with beady eyes and barked that I had cut the line. This sudden outburst had shocked me into silence. And she continued on how I had to join the back of the line and how she wouldn’t check anything out for me. It felt extreme.
Thankfully, a kind man who was in the front of the line stepped in and said it was ok for me to go. To which the cashier replied with a snarky OK?! twice.
This experience ruined the movie for me, and along with my persistent headache and dizziness, I wasn’t able to concentrate on watching the film at all.
It feels heavy to be dealing with health problems and to not have the compassion and respect of strangers. No one sees what you’re going through. And if they do, unfortunately, toxic people see it as a “weakness” and attempt to kick you when you’re down to no fault of your own.
This has happened on campus too, probably in not such an extreme way, but enough for me to notice people’s reactions. Going into the Student Union last semester, I was trying to talk myself out of the pain that was happening in my forehead. That’s when I started noticing people giving me odd looks.
Later, my mom told me I was raising my eyebrows a lot. And then everything clicked on what had happen on campus. I started raising my eyebrows as a coping mechanism to deal with the pain.
Another companion had joined the headaches. I wasn’t just dealing with headaches but also forgetfulness. I had deadlines, homework assignments, things my friends and family said. I couldn’t remember anything.
And to make matters even worse, I struggled with making decisions. What was once so normal for me ended up taking up so much energy. I couldn’t even email professors for questions I had.
I was wrapped in this tornado and I couldn’t live normally anymore. Every time I made a social mistake, dealing with everyone’s judgment and coldness wreaked havoc on my mental health.
The constant questions of “Why aren’t you applying to jobs?” to “You should just get married if you don’t want to do anything.” to “You’re still living with your parents?” and “Oh, you’re helping your mom? You’re like a stay at home nurse,” and even, “You couldn’t do that dance class because you’re too scared to dance with everyone.”
There were now two sides to this war: dealing with the internal tornado and the external one. I knew that I had to set some boundaries and do something about these headaches once and for all.
I found a place specializing in headaches and balance issues, and they were able to get my life somewhat back on track. My balance greatly improved and it now felt normal going places again.
I limited contact with people who didn’t understand my situation, and stopped going to public places except for school. Eventually, the headaches started getting better and I realized that there was another component to them: the trauma I had experienced in high school.
It was like there was a fire inside of me, and that fire amplified the headaches. Once I started taking active steps to heal, everything was history.
I was honestly shocked with the way everything started to lift after that. I could go to public places again without getting lost, and I started remembering things again. My time management skills are starting to be like before.
I still deal with headaches sometimes, and there is still progress to be made, but now, I can finally enjoy the freedom of having better health. This experience has helped me realize that health is truly the biggest form of wealth we can have.
From going places, accomplishing our daily tasks, to building our careers, good health allows us to have a foundation from which we can build our lives.
And while I wish society could have more compassion towards people with health problems, setting boundaries and taking care of yourself is definitely something that’s within your capability.
Do you struggle to balance school and health issues? Let us know @hercampusSJSU!