When Vogue dropped the headline “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?” the internet lost it. The article went viral almost instantly, sparking debates across TikTok, X (formerly Twitter), and group chats everywhere. I first stumbled upon it on TikTok, where everyone seemed to have an opinion — from women cheering for singleness to men feeling personally attacked. But it left me wondering: has this new single life flex become a symbol of empowerment — or a symptom of disconnection?
The Rise OF Singleness As A Flex
Lately, it seems being single isn’t something to “get over” anymore — it’s something to celebrate. The self-love era has taken center stage, with personal growth and independence coming before committing to a partner. But at what point does independence turn into isolation? Are we embracing singleness out of genuine empowerment, or are we using it as a shield and a way to protect ourselves from vulnerability or rejection?
Social media has fueled this movement with waves of “girlboss”, “that girl”, and “soft life” trends, glorifying self-prioritisation and solo living. More people than ever are traveling alone, going on solo dates, and treating themselves just because they can. Personally, I love the idea of making time for myself — it’s grounding and necessary. But where does self-love cross over into self-protection?
This trend also mirrors a much larger societal shift. More women than ever are financially independent and, in some cases, out earning their male partners. Traditional gender roles are blurring and that’s empowering — but it also means the dating landscape is changing fast.
Is It Uncool To Have A Boyfriend Now?
As Chanté Joseph pointed out, many women today are choosing not to post their boyfriends online. Some say it’s to avoid losing followers; others fear judgment, unsolicited opinions, or even the “evil eye.” Whatever the reason, it reflects how deeply social media has reshaped the way we navigate privacy and perception in relationships.
Of course, this doesn’t mean relationships are over. But maybe the kind of relationships we seek are different. With higher standards and stronger boundaries, many young women are simply refusing to settle for the “bare minimum.” That could explain why dating apps feel full of people who aren’t rushing into relationships anymore. Not because they’ve given up, but because they’re more intentional.
Maybe it’s not that having a boyfriend is embarrassing — maybe it’s embarrassing to settle. Rising standards are pushing everyone to level up, especially men, who are now expected to bring emotional intelligence, equality, and ambition to the table. As Crystal Jackson notes, “Relationships should expand your life — not limit it.”
The Paradox Of Perfection
We’re constantly told to never settle — to focus on ourselves until the “right” person comes along. But what if that mindset is quietly setting us up for disappointment? What if the grass isn’t greener elsewhere… What if it just needs watering where you already are?
In a culture that celebrates self-fulfillment, it’s easy to mistake independence for isolation. We glorify the idea of being so self-sufficient that love feels optional, or even inconvenient. But deep down, most of us still crave connection. Not because we’re incomplete, but because we’re human. The real challenge lies in finding the balance between growing on our own and allowing someone else to grow beside us.
When “Never Settle” Becomes The New Pressure
There’s a fine line between self-worth and perfectionism. The modern mantra, “don’t settle, focus on yourself”, sounds empowering, but it can also turn relationships into a checklist of green flags, boundaries, and non-negotiables. Of course, standards matter. But when we chase an ideal of perfect love instead of real love, we risk overlooking the messy, imperfect parts that actually make connection meaningful. No partner is perfect, and no relationship is either.
Final thoughts
Joseph’s piece poses a question: is having a boyfriend embarrassing now? To me, her article feels like a perfect example of this “prioritising self” movement. While she admits there’s no shame in love itself, she leans towards celebrating single women, independence, and the idea of keeping relationships private – and if you don’t, maybe that’s embarrassing. I get it. Privacy can be power and focusing on your own growth is important.
But I see it differently: there is nothing wrong with being proud of someone who treats you well and makes you happy. Self-love and partnership don’t have to compete, they can coexist. You can be independent and still want intimacy. You can work on yourself and still let someone in. Maybe the true flex isn’t choosing one or the other — it’s learning how to hold both at once.