I know this may sound like the most fabricated, untrue statement to make, especially right after Valentine’s Day, but it’s the truth: I love being single. It’s incredibly fun to meet and form connections with new people. That said, I’m the first to admit my friends used to never hear the end of it about me wanting a relationship. I’m a hopeless romantic.
Do I watch shows and yearn to have what the characters share? Sure. Do I often want the kind of attention only a significant other can provide? Of course. I am only human and a lover at heart. But being single has provided me with so many more love stories than I can imagine. Being chronically single has given me the time to build the meaningful friendships I crave and need the most in my life. You can definitely do this with a significant other. But for me, being single was part of what I needed to continue to grow into the best version of myself.
I’m 22 and have never been in a relationship. I used to be so embarrassed to admit that. But then I remembered that anyone can get in a relationship, but not everyone wants to. I always thought I’d jump into a relationship immediately if someone I liked asked. That was until last summer when I was hanging out with a guy I was casually seeing, and he asked the question I’ve longed to hear since I was 9 years old: “Will you be my girlfriend?”
After he said this, I sat there, tongue-tied. My entire life, I prayed, hoped and yearned for someone that I liked to like me enough to be my boyfriend. And then, finally, as I sat there with this man, who I really did like at the time, I turned to him and said, “I’m not ready for a relationship at the moment.”
Being single had been the center of everything I’ve ever known and how I’ve operated my whole life. My weekly debrief with my friends, my love of solo traveling, my obsession with binging the latest Netflix show, my hilarious stories I jot down in my journal – all of it was when I was single. I didn’t want to lose that. I wasn’t ready to attach my heart and soul to one person who could possibly break it. Not at that moment, at least. Plus, being single has been so much fun for me. I’ve gotten to meet people in all sorts of ways: boardwalks, bars, beaches, boats, parties, you name it. So, I laugh whenever I tell someone I’m single, and someone says, “Aw, your time will come,” with pity.
Whether a fling lasts three-hour, three days or longer, I cherish my little love stories as if they are chapters in a book that I keep on writing. Dating has become a fun activity for me, one where each of the different people I meet allows me to learn more about myself. Even if I’m not casually dating, I’m filling up my days with new activities that I get to do by myself. One can do this while in a relationship, too, but being single has been pivotal to my personal growth. I look back on my flings and laugh to myself. Mostly, I think, thank goodness I didn’t end up dating that random person I liked some time ago; I would have missed out on something else. I think sometimes we can get stuck on wanting to be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship.
Evidently, I’m dramatic. Each week, I call my friends up and go over another epic romance or crush. It’s not always easy to meet people casually, but being single is exciting because at least you get the chance to. Don’t get me wrong— I’m a lover at my core and look forward to being in a relationship one day.
But right now, I just want to embrace all of the different people and experiences that can come my way. But unless somebody explicitly states they want a relationship and are expressing that, remember this: being single is not a bad thing. It’s a time for growth, getting to know who you are, and for me, it’s an opportunity to open my heart up to new people. Whether or not you’re in a relationship, you should always work to have an amazing relationship with yourself and put yourself and your needs first.