Deciding where you go to college should be exciting and joyful. It’s the first big decision of your adult life. But it is also stressful, that’s why it’s important to have people in your life who support you through the decision-making process. But what if your partner isn’t supportive of your college decision?
Now, it’s natural for people to have differing opinions about certain choices. But it can cause a lot of contention when you and your partner have different opinions on such a huge decision, like college, that will impact both of your futures. Making the decision to go to college often comes with excitement, nerves, and a strong sense of purpose. But when the person you love most doesn’t support that choice, it can make the entire process feel shaky and uncertain.
Maybe your partner questions the time commitment, worries about money, or simply doesn’t understand why this step is important to you. Their concerns might be valid, or they might stem from insecurity or fear of change. Regardless of the reason, it can be incredibly disheartening when someone who’s supposed to cheer you on becomes a source of doubt instead.
So, what should you do if your partner doesn’t support your college decision? Here’s how to navigate it.
- Actively listen.
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Listening to your partner allows you to find the reason why they may seem unsupportive of your decision. Is it coming from a place of anxiety or fear? Are they worried about the potential relationship strain due to distance, or are they worried about the finances behind where you chose to go to school?
Once you get to the root of why they feel this way, you can better communicate why you believe that this is the right decision for you. This is a good time to listen to their expectations for the relationship to see if your decision or goals align with the expectations that your partner has for the future. And if they don’t? Then choose yourself. Every time.
- Communicate your goals.
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Now that you’ve listened to your partner express their concerns, it’s time for you to express your needs. Explain the reasons why you want to pursue this college, the benefits it will bring you, and how it fits into your overall plan for the future. During this time, you could also address their concerns. But ultimately, discuss why this is the right decision for you.
But what if your partner doesn’t understand? Well, to be honest, they don’t need to. It’s your life.
- Find your support system.
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If your partner doesn’t support you, that’s alright — someone out there will. This decision could have a mental toll on you, so it’s important to reach out to others who understand your decisions, such as family or friends, so they can provide you with emotional support during this time.
Your college decision is about your future, making it important to prioritize your own wellness and happiness. Focus on your own journey, finding support where you can. Let go of the pressure to change your partner’s mind or make them support your decision, because at the end of the day, it’s not worth it.
- Take a step back.
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So, after all of that communication, maybe your partner understands your decision and ultimately supports it. But what if they don’t? If that’s the case, you may need to take a step back and evaluate if this is the right relationship for you.
If you’ve taken the time to outline all of the reasons why you’ve decided to make this college decision, and they still don’t get it, then it’s simply out of your hands. College is such an exciting time, and if your partner can’t be supportive of that, then they’re not the person you should be with.
It’s a tough pill to swallow, but at the end of the day, you don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t let you be who you are.