I think that people dumb down trauma to depression and fear in the wake of an event. When, in reality, trauma truly is an incredibly complex phenomenon. I think that we, as a society, have become so desensitized to horrific things that we find it to be our place to comment publicly on it. The media has narrowed our perspective on what victims look like, either meek and withdrawn or noble and forgiving. It is very common to see people who have been through unimaginable circumstances in the shows and movies we watch rise above and live a better life. While that is what they deserve, for others, reality isn’t always as kind.
Take the Menendez Brothers, for instance. In 1989, Lyle and Erik Menendez killed their parents, José and Kitty Menendez, later revealing a history of severe physical, emotional, and sexual abuse at their father’s hands. Their actions were brutal, yes, but they were also a culmination of years of trauma- something that the court and the media were largely unwilling to acknowledge. Prosecutors painted the brothers as cold-blooded killers motivated by greed. Despite testimony from psychologists, family members, explicit photographic proof, witnesses, and forensic experts, many dismissed their claims of abuse. They didn’t “look” like typical victims- they were wealthy, well-dressed, and composed in court. The sensationalized trial saw their composure and wrote it off as damage control. They also reacted in ways that didn’t fit the expected victim narrative, going on shopping sprees after the murders.
Their case highlights how society struggles to accept that trauma is not a one-size fits all- it can lead to morally gray, even violent, actions. While we often sympathize with survivors who endure suffering in silence, we struggle to acknowledge those equally important whose trauma manifests in rage, self-destruction, desperation or rebellion. The Menendez case, and many others like it, forces us to confront uncomfortable questions: Are we only picking and choosing victims we listen to when they fit our worldly view? Do we have any place judging reactions to circumstances we’ve never been in? And if trauma can reshape a person’s entire sense of reality, why do we expect their responses to fit neatly into ours?
