So… your friends didn’t invite you on their spring break trip. Feeling left out of your friend group is never a good feeling and often comes with a debilitating side of shame, rejection, and above all, humiliation. Being in a close friend group can give you a false sense of reality in that you assume you’re on the list for every event or special occasion. Unfortunately, this is not always the case for my FOMO folks out there.
But, I get it. Your mid-semester, seasonally-depressed self discovers your entire friend group is taking a hot beach trip to Hawaii and you’re expected to be excited for them and not so much as bat an eye to the lost invite? Immediate crashout. But, the good news is that this doesn’t always have to indicate some kind of falling out, and that there are other factors to consider, says psychotherapist Angela Ficken.
So, before you lose yourself in the black hole that is overthinking every single last detail of every single last interaction you’ve had with your friends leading up to spring break, remember this advice (and that it’s never too late to book your own trip). Don’t crash out yet, bestie — let this be your personal guide to FOMO this spring break.
Avoid negative assumptions.
The first, natural thing that anyone will do when they feel left out is assume the absolute worst. Did you do something wrong? Did you say something inappropriate? Have you been inconsiderate, distant, or annoying? While these are all completely valid thoughts, they’re mentally destructive and, most of the time, unnecessary.
“When you feel left out, it can be tempting to assume the worst—that your friends don’t value you or are purposely excluding you,” says Ficken. “However, it’s essential to consider that there might be logistical reasons, miscommunication, or unintentional oversights at play.”
Maybe your friends thought you were busy and didn’t think you were able to come on the trip. Maybe they know you better than you think and thought you wouldn’t enjoy the trip very much and instead have something else planned for another time with you. Or maybe they’re simply going with other friends you’re not as close with. There are so many other factors to consider.
“Instead of letting these assumptions spiral, try to pause and gather more information before concluding,” says Ficken. “Refraining from jumping to conclusions helps protect your mental health by reducing unnecessary stress and anxiety.”
This way, “you can maintain perspective, have clearer communication, and prevent yourself from internalizing feelings of rejection that might not be fully warranted,” Ficken says.
Recognize your emotions.
The number one thing you’ll want to do, regardless of why they didn’t invite you on the trip, is validate your feelings — especially if they’re not. No matter the situation, being left out is an upsetting, insulting, and embarrassing feeling.
“Allowing yourself to feel your emotions entirely is essential because it validates your experience and paves the way for healing,” says Ficken. “When you suppress feelings, they often build up, leading to increased stress or anxiety.”
The last thing you want to do is allow yourself to feel resentment down the road, especially if these are friends that you want to keep and didn’t hurt you intentionally. It’s important to forgive yourself for feeling the way you feel before forgiving anyone else. “Acknowledging your feelings helps you process them constructively,” Ficken says. “This allows you to foster emotional resilience and prevent those feelings from manifesting in less healthy ways.”
To effectively recognize and validate your feelings, Ficken suggests taking quiet moments to breathe and reflect, journal about what you’re experiencing, and name your emotions: Are you hurt, disappointed, or perhaps even confused? “Recognizing your emotions starts with mindfulness,” Ficken says.
Communicate your feelings.
The biggest question you’ll probably ask yourself is whether or not you should tell your friends how you feel or pretend to be unphased by the situation. And, much like recognizing your feelings, it’s just as important to communicate them to your friends.
“Being communicative is key to resolving misunderstandings,” says Ficken. “The ideal time to discuss your feelings is when you’ve had a chance to calm down and reflect—when you’re not in the heat of the moment.”
To approach the conversation thoughtfully, Ficken suggests jotting down your thoughts and the specific ways you felt left out, choosing a setting where you feel comfortable and can talk without interruptions, and, of course, using “I” statements to avoid being accusatory: “I felt hurt when I wasn’t included because…” or “I felt sad when I wasn’t invited because…”
“This preparation will help ensure your conversation is honest and constructive, allowing your friends to share their perspectives,” Ficken says.
self-reflect.
The hardest reality to face in this situation is the possibility that it really does mean a falling out between you and your friends. Maybe there’s been distance for a while and you haven’t been able to understand why. The good news is that this can opportunity to reflect on yourself and your values, and how you treat people and want to be treated by others.
To do this, Ficken suggests journaling your thoughts, experiences, and emotions, practicing mindfulness and meditation, and above all, seeking feedback by speaking with a trusted friend or therapist for new insights.
“If you notice recurring feelings of exclusion or self-doubt, it might be an opportunity to work on self-esteem or communication,” Ficken says. “Consider setting aside regular time for self-reflection, starting with a daily or weekly journaling practice and exploring resources or professional guidance to help you understand and nurture your emotional well-being.”
Sometimes, however, it really isn’t about you. You don’t want friends who are going to make you feel bad in any way. If feeling left out is a recurring feeling in your friend group, this can be a sign to really reflect on what you need and deserve in a friendship. Besides, by being yourself and enjoying life for what it is, you have the ability to attract the right people and fit friends for you.
How you can move forward:
The hardest part of all of this might be the time your friends are away on their trip and you’re stuck home alone, not being able to shake any negative feelings of FOMO, despite having spoken to them or not yet. In this case, you’ll want to make sure you spend this time distracting yourself a bit (while still, of course, feeling and validating your emotions).“When you need a break from these feelings, do something that brings you joy and relaxation,” says Ficken.
Ficken suggests engaging in physical activities such as exercise, yoga, or strolls outside, engaging in feel-good, creative hobbies like painting, writing, or music, spending time with other friends or family who make you feel valued, trying meditation, deep-breaking exercises, or relaxing baths, and deleting social media if it intensifies negative feelings or consuming thoughts. “These self-care strategies serve as a healthy distraction,” Ficken says. “They can help you rebuild emotional balance and reinforce your resilience.”
Regardless of your situation, It’s important to remember that everyone has felt left at some point in their lives — and this is completely normal. While it can be upsetting to feel left out of your friend group, it opens a door for you to challenge your strength and resilience by practicing all that has been mentioned: your communication, self-reflection, negative assumptions, and more. Besides, it’s never too late to start planning a trip altogether for next year (or hop on the bandwagon this year).