What if the hottest move you can make in your relationship… is to stop having sex? In a culture obsessed with getting hot and heavy, we usually take it as a bad sign when a couple stops having sex. Is someone cheating? Did they fall out of love? But putting a pause on sex doesn’t have to be a negative; sometimes, intentionally taking a sex sabbatical is an incredible way to connect deeply with a partner.
According to Her Campus’s 2025 Sex Survey, 40% of Gen Z respondents said they’re having sex weekly or more. And while you can have sex as much as you’d please, you’d be surprised to kow about the benefits of taking a break.
Sofie Roos, a Licensed sexologist, relationship therapist, and author at Passionerad, tells Her Campus that a sex sabbatical is “a form of sex pause, where you and your partner in agreement to take a break from sex.” Let’s be clear: a sabbatical doesn’t mean ghosting your partner in bed. This is a conscious decision you both make, usually with a goal in mind.
Roos says that sex sabbaticals are “mostly relevant for couples who mainly have built the relationship on sexual intimacy.” Couples pick a set amount of time to break from sex, and use the distance to reflect. “Some also use it to not get distracted by sex when needing to focus on other parts of the relationship, such as deepening the emotional part or the communication,” says Roos. But before banishing the pleasures of the flesh, let’s hear the nitty gritty details of a sex sabbatical.
What are the benefits of a sex sabbatical?
There are some definite benefits of taking a break from sex — especially for your relationship. “Taking a break from sex can give space and opportunity to explore other forms of intimacy, such as emotional closeness or intimacy through talking or by using your bodies in other ways than for sex,” Roos says. Cuddling, massages, and long make-outs: It’s a romance lover’s dream– a slow burn.
A sabbatical can also improve your sex life by giving partners time to reflect on what they’d like to change. “For some, it can also ‘reset’ the sex life and help you find your lust again,” Roos says. “Which is great if you have gone through a long period without being intimate!”
What are the drawbacks of a sex sabbatical?
However, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. “The main one is that it can lead to feelings of confusion, rejection, or uncertainty if a partner suggests that they would like to take a sex sabbatical,” Roos explains. If the topic isn’t brought up in the right way, or one partner isn’t gung-ho, even the proposition can create a major rift in a relationship. So, before pulling the trigger on a sex sabbatical, bring up the topic with care and ensure that both parties are feeling confident about it.
In action, the sabbatical isn’t for everyone. It requires intense patience and could trigger a partner to seek pleasure elsewhere and be unfaithful. If couples aren’t using the break to communicate and connect more, it can create a greater rift in the relationship.
How can you tell your partner you want a sex sabbatical?
Location is important. Don’t drop this bomb at the end of your fancy anniversary dinner. Consider choosing a moment when both of you feel comfortable and have plenty of time to talk things through. “Often, it can feel easier approaching the subject when not looking straight at each other, such as when cuddling, being on a walk, or during a car ride,” says Roos.
Step one is to ensure your partner knows that this isn’t a reflection of your love or attraction to them, but rather something you want to try. First, focus on why you feel that you need a break, and then open the floor up to their thoughts. Make sure you are having a conversation, and not making a one-sided decision.
“The most important thing is to bring it up in a way that makes your partner understand why you’d like to try it,” Roos suggests. “Make them understand it’s something you want to do as an investment in your sex life!”
What does your partner feel when they hear the idea? Do they understand why it would be helpful? What do they think of the time span? Do they have alternative suggestions? Roos says to consider these questions and work to find a middle ground. “Talk openly and honestly, and also make sure to pick a moment for bringing up this conversation where both of you feel safe as well as have plenty of time to talk things through,” she says.
How long should you take a break from sex in your relationship?
The timeline completely depends on what you hope to get out of the experience. Some people need a month, some people need a year. “The most important thing is that you both agree on the time and see the upside of doing it,” says Roos.
During the break, it is important to have check-ins at least once a week. This is a great time to encourage each other to hang in there and remind one another of the end goal. “I encourage every couple to create a dynamic where it feels okay to bring what you have agreed on up for discussion again,” Roo says. “That creates a feeling of not being in a prison, but instead that you’re doing this together, and that you can change the ‘terms’ of the break if something doesn’t feel good!”
I wish I could tell you that sex sabbaticals are the next hot trend guaranteed to turn your life into a rom-com montage. The truth is, it’s all about you, your partner, and what you both need. The biggest takeaway? Hitting pause on sex isn’t always a red flag. It can be a green light for growth, self-discovery, and even better sex down the line. So, if your relationship is craving a reset, don’t be afraid to take a little time off. Who says taking a break can’t be a power move?