Without a doubt, breakups are one of the most grueling things you could ever experience. You and your partner may have been together for a significant time, especially if it was a serious relationship. Maybe you started planning the future together and started discussing other topics, such as marriage and children. However, not everything is destined to happen — which is the devastating part. Even more devastating? The act of “Banksying.”
Now, you may have heard of the term “ghosting,” which refers to stopping all communication with a person and basically becoming a “ghost” of their existence. And if you thought that’s tough, Banksying takes that to a whole new level. On TikTok, creators are sharing their own experiences with Banksying — and, of course, being Banksy-ed.
The term “Banksying” was likely inspired by British street artist Banksy, whose identity is unknown to the public. His art provokes political and social commentary, but he is also known for his art appearing — and disappearing — at the most random times. Naturally, the artist’s mysterious identity inspired the name of the trend — but what does it mean in the dating world? Certified clinical trauma professional, Kim Rippy, LPC, broke it all down for us — and yeah, it’s pretty damn brutal.
What is Banksying in dating?
According to Rippy, Banksying is a lot like ghosting. “[Banksying] describes the slow and unpredictable disconnection of one member within a relationship,” Rippy said. “Think ghosting, but instead of an abrupt disappearance, it’s a very slow and gradual process where one partner disengages from the other over time.” All in all, your relationship is headed to its final days, but only your partner knows about it. Then, they end the relationship and vanish from your life without a trace. Harsh.
This type of scenario seems to replicate an unconscious behavior pattern: the unconscious mind can harbor various emotions, such as repressed feelings, reactions, and desires. “Someone who is Banksying is doing so with full awareness of their actions and making a conscious decision to distance themselves and slowly back out of their relationship,” Rippy explained.
Is it normal to drift away from your partner?
If you’ve ever been in a relationship, the honeymoon phase is one that some couples may never want to come out of. But, once all of the happiness dies down and is replaced with avoidance, there’s a bigger problem at hand. With how toxic the trend is and the potential of ruining trust between two people, drifting apart from your partner can be considered “natural,” according to Rippy. “A lack of interaction between partners will most likely lead to some drifting apart,” she said. “Natural drifting within a relationship differs from this because Banksying is an intentional act by one person within the partnership, even if the other partner continues to try to engage.”
If you and your partner experience a form of natural drifting, examine the whys and hows of the drifting process. Maybe it could be due to academic commitments, multiple part-time jobs, or prepping for post-grad life. These factors are normal and can cause some disturbance in a relationship, but it’s important to communicate about these factors head-on.
What should you do instead of banksying?
So, what if you want to end things — how do you do it? It’s simple: communicate. Even if it’ll take an arm and a leg to set up a date for ending things, it’s best to thoroughly talk it out and let your feelings be known. “The healthiest thing for almost all relationships is communication,” Rippy said. “If you are unhappy in your relationship, talk to your partner about it — even if it is a difficult or painful conversation to have, you give each other the opportunity to succeed when you communicate, even if it means you decide to end the partnership.”