If you’re anything like me, then you’ve probably binged the entirety of Sex and The City at least three times — once for the plot, once for the fashion, and once to debate with yourself (for the third time) if you’re a Carrie, a Miranda, a Charlotte, or a Samantha. And if you’re really a fan of messy 2000s romance, chaotic brunch convos, and Mr. Big’s frustrating emotional unavailability, then there’s a pretty big chance you’ve stumbled upon one of the most oddly specific (yet scary accurate) dating theories to ever come out of the show: the Taxi Cab Theory.
Let me set the scene: you’re talking to a guy and things are going great. He’s taking you out on dates, introducing you to his friends, even sending you TikToks that remind him of you, but he just won’t commit. Every woman has heard it at least once in their life: “I’m not ready for a relationship.” You give him space, and then bam — a week after things fizzle out, he’s soft launching his new girlfriend on Instagram. Sound familiar? Yeah, it’s not just you.
This isn’t just a “silly coincidence,” it’s what’s being hailed as the Taxi Cab Theory — and trust me, once you hear it, everything’s going to make a lot more sense. I spoke with matchmaker Susan Trombetti and licensed marriage and family therapist Sean O’Neill to get the scoop on this theory and why your ex-situationship might’ve suddenly “found the one” right after telling you they weren’t ready for something serious.
What’s the Taxi Cab Theory?
Basically, the Taxi Cab Theory is the idea that when a man is like a taxi cab driving around the city with their “available” light off. They’re not ready for a committed relationship, regardless of who gets in the cab. But, one day, they randomly decide to turn their light on — they’re ready to commit. And when that happens, the next person who gets in their cab (or enters their life) is the one they settle down with, regardless of who they really are.
The Taxi Cab Theory essentially reinforces the idea that love has nothing to do with commitment, but “it’s all about the timing,” Trombetti explains. A man will not get into a relationship with a girl, even if she’s absolutely perfect, if the time isn’t right for his own personal life. “Lots of times, they are in love with someone else, busy working, or busy with life. The light suddenly does go on, and they are just ready. They will wind up with the next person [they meet]. It’s a matter of timing,” Trombetti shares. Rolling my damn eyes.
Where did the Taxi Cab Theory come from?
This isn’t just a theory TikTok made up, though. In Sex and the City, Charlotte, Miss Hopeless Romantic, meets Trey, whom she becomes engaged to after a month of dating, and gushes, “Sometimes you just know. It’s like magic; it’s fate.” This is when Miranda introduces the Taxi Cab Theory. “It’s not fate, his light is on. That’s all,” she says. “Men are like cabs; when they’re available, their light goes on. They wake up one day and decide they’re ready to settle down, have babies, whatever, and they turn their light on. The next woman they pick up, boom! That’s the one they’ll marry. It’s not fate, it’s dumb luck.”
How can you tell if a man’s “light is on” or not?
It’s crucial to “watch a man’s actions, because actions speak louder than words,” Trombetti advises. “An emotionally available man, ‘light on,’ generally makes time to communicate his intentions and put effort into the relationship,” O’Neill explains. If he’s setting boundaries and confidence in what he wants, and is eager to discuss the future, then you’re in luck, bestie, his light is def on!
However, “a ‘light off’ man may steer clear of serious conversations, struggle to prioritize the relationship, or show inconsistent action,” O’Neill shares. It’s so important to “look at the patterns of his behavior and communication to tell whether he is relationship-ready.”
Is he wanting to introduce you to his friends and family? Is he opening up his life to you? Is he planning out dates and actually wanting to spend time with you? “You will just know,” Trombetti says. “You won’t be second-guessing it.” If he isn’t doing any of these things, then maybe his light simply isn’t on.
And in the words of every girl who’s done with a bare minimum man who can’t commit: boy, bye. Keep the rom-coms, and ditch the man-child.