As far as sex acts go, oral sex has got to be one of the more confusing ones in the bunch. Pleasuring someone’s beneath-the-belt bits wasn’t something you learned about in health class, and unlike subjects like math and science, there’s no real way to “do it right.” Not to mention, the positioning and mechanics of oral sex can sometimes be physically uncomfortable: sore jaw, carpet burn, struggling to breathe, you get the picture. And while, yes, there’s no “right” or “wrong” way to engage in oral sex (all that matters is that it’s consensual, safe, and respectful of boundaries), it doesn’t hurt to have some oral sex tips in your back pocket— especially if you’re a beginner.
There’s a common misconception that oral sex is all about the person receiving the pleasure — but c’mon, y’all, it’s 2026! Oral sex is just another way to be intimate with a sexual partner outside of plain ol’ penetrative sex, and intimacy is a two-way street. So while you are the one giving, that doesn’t mean that your comfort and pleasure shouldn’t be prioritized. And for beginners, it’s best to adopt this mindset early.
So, I chatted with relationship therapist and Passionerad’s sexologist Sofie Roos to find out her best oral sex tips for beginners. From making sure you’re breathing (yes, seriously) to making positions more comfortable, consider this your guide to oral sex that isn’t just great for your partner, but pleasurable for you, too.
- Get comfortable
-
You don’t need to bend over backwards (literally) to give oral sex. So, the first step when it comes to oral is finding a position that’s comfortable for both parties. “Giving oral shouldn’t hurt your neck, jaw, or any other part of the body,” Roos says. “So if it feels uncomfortable, then change your approach.”
A comfortable position could be with the receiving partner standing as the giving partner kneels and pleasures them orally, with a pillow under their knees for extra comfort. Or, the classic 69 position — where both partners align themselves so one person’s mouth is near the other’s genitals (typically, one partner lies on their back as the other climbs on top, straddling their partner’s head).
- Find a rhythm with your breath
-
When you’re nervous, it’s normal for your breathing to get a little unsteady — and it’s also harder to breathe with your face in someone else’s genitals. So, Roos says to get a hold of your breathing before diving in. “Breathing calmly through the nose makes you able to relax, be in the moment, and to find a rhythm that feels natural,” Roos says. “But it does also oxygenate your body better, which prevents you from running out of breath when going down on your partner — something that’s otherwise common for newbies!”
- Make it a shared experience
-
You might feel a pressure to “perform” when you’re giving oral sex. “Many beginners get stuck on the idea that you should use a specific technique or look a certain way during oral,” Roos says. “But what a partner actually appreciates and enjoys is most often [the experience] instead of the overall feeling.”
So, remember, oral sex should feel good for you, too. “Don’t be afraid to touch yourself while giving oral, and show that you enjoy it by moaning or using body language,” Roos says. “Let it be a shared experience — that’s a real turn-on!”
- Play with tempos
-
Whether you’ve given oral a try a handful of times or it’s your first time diving in head-first (wink), you should still approach oral sex at your own speed. If you’re not comfortable going fast, start slow and work your way up — if that’s comfortable for you. “Try to vary tempo between slow and quick, intense and soft,” Roos says. “The contrast is what often makes the best and most dynamic stimulation, and shifting between different ways of giving oral additionally takes away some of the pressure, as it makes it more playful, and opens up for finding your way.”
- Explore with other body parts
-
Contrary to what the name suggests, “oral sex” isn’t all about the mouth. “It’s fully okay to combine stimulation with your lips and tongue with your fingers,” Roos says. “This is something that tends to make it both more pleasurable for your partner and less exhausting for you, especially as a beginner.”
So, feel free to explore, and to use your hands — especially when you need a break.Â
- Prioritize communication
-
Like everything else in the bedroom, communicating with your partner should be top of mind. “Ask your partner what they like and don’t like, or be responsive to their reactions and body language,” Roos says. “Everyone enjoys different things, so open communication takes away lots of the insecurity we often feel when being new to oral.”
So, if you need a break or anything else, speak up. Additionally, keep your eyes and ears open for physical and verbal cues, and check in with your partner throughout to ensure that the experience is pleasurable for them. Communication is hot!