We all know that making friends in college isn’t the easiest thing in the world, but it can be more of a challenge if you’re neurodivergent. Being neurodivergent can be difficult sometimes and make meeting new people, socializing, and making friends difficult — but don’t let that stop you from finding your people. Everyone, regardless of whether they’re neurodivergent or not, deserves to have a sense of community and feel loved and seen.
Figuring out how to make friends in college as a neurodivergent person can be a process, but it gets easier to find what works for you and what doesn’t as time goes on. Some people may prefer making friends online, while others find it easier to meet people and make friends organically through classes and student organizations.
As someone who is neurodivergent, socializing was something I struggled with in college — especially during my first year living on campus. The idea of approaching people I wanted to be friends with in person was super intimidating for me, but I found a way to work around it. I reached out to people I wanted to be friends with on social media, and over time, we’d talk and become friends. Once I felt comfortable enough with them, I’d ask them if they wanted to hang out in person, and our friendship would blossom from there. (I’ve actually met multiple of my best friends this way!)
It’s hard for me to unmask, but I’ve found that people are more accepting than I usually think they will be!
Mimi, 20
Darius, a 23-year-old student at the University of Houston, found college friends in a similar way. “Making friends can be hard,” he says. “But if you keep in touch with people, make friends in class, join GroupMes and clubs, you’ll be alright.”Â
Similarly, 20-year-old Mimi, who attends California State Fullerton University, also says that clubs and organizations helped her make friends in college. “I usually try to approach people with similar interests and join clubs,” she said. “It’s hard for me to unmask, but I’ve found that people are more accepting than I usually think they will be!”
But student organizations aren’t the only way neurodivergent students are making friends — 22-year-old Emma has found that the best way to make friends is simply by being helpful. “I often gain favor — and subsequently friendship — by doing favors for others,” she says. “For example, I’d help people around their homes with furniture, ask a person if they need a refill of water or coffee at work, and assist others with daily tasks I noticed them getting frustrated with. If I can provide any help of some variety, that usually secures friendship,” she says.
Emma also says that networking has allowed her to make friends, too. “If I frequented a location enough, a connection would inevitably happen, and I would subsequently get introduced to their other friends,” she says. “Between being helpful and networking, that’s pretty much how I make friends.”
For 19-year-old University of Houston student Hailey*, authenticity is key when it comes to meeting new people and making new friends. She says that she finds it easiest for her to make friends when she’s her truest self. “Walking around unmasked saves a lot of time and energy when finding your people,” she says. “It makes it easier for you to find people who like and accept who you truly are.”
The right people, the ones who understand you, will come eventually.
Avery, 20
And even if it takes a while to find good friends, it happens eventually. “The right people, the ones who understand you, will come eventually. 99% of the time people come to me first, which is interesting because most people say that I have an RBF and seem unapproachable,” 20-year-old University of Houston student, Avery*, says. “I also have a hard time continuously reaching out to potential friends or building friendships, so I’m grateful to the ones who gave me a chance to open up!”
A common experience for neurodivergent folks, myself included, is the fear that we’ll never find our people or good friends who’ll accept us, but trust me — you will. It took me a while to find friends who are very accepting and understanding of my mental health and autism, but I did with time. And you will, too
*Names have been changed.