We’ve all heard of long-distance relationships — and maybe we even considered ourselves to be a part of one at a point. But were you actually in a long-distance relationship, or did you just hate driving in the car for two hours each way? (It’s me, hi, I’m the problem) If that’s the case, you were most likely in a little thing called a “mid-distance relationship.”
According to Urban Dictionary (which, in this case, is an extremely reliable source), a mid-distance relationship (MDR) is when two people find themselves living with just enough distance between them that they can’t see each other as often as they’d like. The actual distance is subjective. For example, some people put an address in maps, see it’s three hours one way and that’s a joyride. But me? If I map anything and it’s over 30 minutes away, I instantly have to convince myself to walk out the door.
All this talk about mid-distance relationships has me reminiscing on when my current relationship was in mid-distance mode. And yes, anything preventing someone from seeing their SO whenever they want sounds bad, but it really isn’t all terrible.
Distance really does make the heart grow fonder.
Mid-distance relationships give the physical space to allow healthy boundaries. When the distance from your partner is too inconvenient to make on any given day, you find yourself having to brainstorm other ways to handle a problem. (In this case, it’s not being a convenient distance from your partner) Let’s say you’re at home and you’re bored, but you have work in the morning — and it’s almost 8 p.m. You can’t go drive to your partner, who’s about two to four hours away, and have them cure your boredom. You’re forced to find other ways to entertain yourself.
In relationships, it’s so easy to become intertwined with the other person, and there’s a chance for some codependency to occur. The little bit of space that MDR’s offer allows you to be more in touch with your individual self. Ideally, any healthy relationship, no matter the distance, should allow both people to operate as individuals, but the small distance does reinforce the idea of independence.
As always, communication is key.
Thanks to my MDR, my partner and I learned how to communicate effectively before we moved to the same city. When you don’t see someone every day, you’re going to connect in other ways, but sometimes those other ways don’t work for both parties. For example, I’m a huge phone call girlie: I love to talk on the phone and I’d rather have a quick 15-minute call than dry texts back and forth over a couple of hours, but my partner isn’t the biggest caller. So, we both had to realize what worked best for the other and make adjustments (i.e., them calling more and me not taking five business days to respond to a text).
You’ve heard it before and I’m saying it again, communication is key in a relationship. Look at a mid-distance relationship as an opportunity to improve your communication skills with your partner before you take the relationship to the next level.
And don’t gaslight yourself, bestie! I always caught myself feeling guilty for complaining about the distance in my relationship because other people were dealing with worse. It’s okay to hate the distance; it sucks! And I hate to say it, but try to look at the positives — healthy boundaries and communication skills will only strengthen the relationship. Remind yourself: it’s just a season. And yes, people in mid-distance relationships are closer in proximity than those in long-distance relationships, but any situation that doesn’t allow your partner to run to your house bearing your late-night cravings is just too far.