A little eye contact might seem harmless, but is it really? It’s easy to brush off a “just friendly” comment, hug, or compliment. But have you ever caught yourself wondering if that was actually flirting, or did it cross into “cheating” territory?
You’re not alone. The question of what really counts as flirting — and whether it’s cheating — is lighting up group chats, TikTok comment sections, Reddit threads, and podcast episodes. For some Gen Z couples, the answer is a clear yes. For others, it depends: Is it physical? Just a compliment? Or is your partner simply… too friendly?
In a generation redefining commitment and relationships with talking stages lasting for months and “situationships” as an actual relationship status, the line between playful banter and cheating has never been blurrier. And with social media and the digital age, flirting has definitely evolved. Today, it could be a heart reaction to someone’s story, a comment under a photo, FaceTime calls late at night, flirtatious compliments, or hugs that cross the line.
Just look at the internet’s meltdown when Keke Palmer danced with Usher or when TikTok users exposed people’s partners for being in their DMS or liking too many photos. Hashtags like #CheatingOrNot and viral TikToks dissecting “flirting vs. cheating” show how widespread the confusion is. The smallest action can have a domino effect and leave lots of distrust in a relationship or spark a whole breakup.
Nowadays, “harmless” flirting or fun might not be so harmless after all, especially when it’s happening online, where nothing really stays private. So, is flirting cheating? We asked four Gen Z couples to spill on what flirting means to them, what crosses the line, and how social media has changed everything.
What counts as cheating?
For Patrece, 21, who’s been with her boyfriend Xavier, 21, for over a year, the answer is obvious. “Yes, because what are your intentions behind it?” she says. “There’s no good explanation for flirting with someone else. If you’re already with someone you prayed for, why are you flirting with girls in the student center?”
Cydni, 21, and her boyfriend Evan, 21, agreed – it’s about loyalty. “You’re supposed to be with your one person,” Cydni says. “If you’re running around with other people, do you really like me?” Evan adds, “Cheating doesn’t just happen — there are steps. And it starts with flirting.”
For Frank, 22, who has been in a relationship with Caitlyn, 21, for over a year, the problem lies in the intention behind flirting. “Flirting is about getting someone’s attention. So why are you looking for attention from anyone but your partner?”
Caitlyn had a stronger stance. “Flirting, intentional or not, is wrong in a relationship,” she said. “There should be no flirting at all. All types of flirting cross the line to me.”
To her, the damage goes beyond just the act; it’s about what it does to the relationship. “It can be damaging because that’s giving trust issues,” Fitzpatrick said. “How can you trust somebody if they’re flirting with someone else?”
But not everyone sees it as so black-and-white. Stephen, 21, my boyfriend, has a more nuanced view. “I don’t think flirting is cheating, but it definitely crosses a boundary. If you’re touching someone or saying things you’d usually only say to your partner — that’s where it changes,” he said.
What Even Counts as Flirting?
What is flirting anyway? The definitions vary. Some say it’s all about vibes. Others draw the line at consistency or physicality. But most agreed: being friendly has its limits.
“My boyfriend is a friendly person,” Patrece says. “But I’ve had to tell him, ‘Hey, I think she was flirting with you. Maybe next time, try this instead,’” adding the fact that a hug other than a side hug is too much.
Stephen added, “Partners need to actually talk about what they consider flirting — whether it’s in person or on social media, it doesn’t change much, other than possibilities of it growing into something else when you’re in person.”
So… what about texting?
And online? Flirting is just as serious. In the digital age, flirting has grown from just eye contact to Snapchat streaks, emojis, late-night DMs, and story replies. “It’s the same to me — texting, FaceTime, Snapchat,” says Patrece. “You’re not flirting with everybody, you’re picking certain people. So there has to be some sort of attraction.”
Cydni and Evan also felt the same: “Either way, you’re communicating with someone else. It doesn’t change.”
When Is Flirting Just Harmless Fun?
So, is flirting just ever innocent fun? For many Gen Z couples, the answer changes once you’re no longer in a relationship.“I think flirting is harmless fun when you’re single — when I was single, it was fine,” Patrece says. “Now that I’m in a relationship, what am I flirting for? Because you’re not my man, why am I sitting here trying to attract you?”
At the end of the day, it all comes down to intention and respect. Whether it’s a lingering glance, a “friendly” DM, or a compliment that’s too flirty, flirting means different things to different people. But once you’re in a relationship, the stakes change.
While for some, flirting may not always be seen as cheating, it can still chip away at trust. So, before you hit send on that “u up?” or compliment someone’s fit a little too enthusiastically, take a moment and think: Would you be OK if your partner did the same? If not, maybe it’s time to rethink your definition of “harmless.”