Mental health isn’t always the easiest to talk about with the important people in your life, like your close family, friends, or even therapists. However, mental health conditions are extremely common among Gen Zers, with anxiety, depression, ADD/ADHD, and eating disorders being among the most common. While talking to your partner about your mental health struggles might seem daunting, it doesn’t have to be.
May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and while it’s important to acknowledge and be proactive about your mental health conditions, it’s equally as important to understand how to have a conversation with your SO about your mental health. According to the 2024 Her Campus Mental Health Survey of 580 Gen Zers, 75% said that their partners are very supportive of their mental health. But, despite this, speaking about your mental health to a partner can be a bit of an awkward conversation — no one really wants to admit they’re struggling with their mental health — but it’s a conversation that we all need to be able to have.
I spoke to sex and relationship therapist Dr. Debra “Deb” Laino about how to have that seemingly awkward conversation about mental health with your partner, and here’s what I learned.
There are factors to consider before having the conversation.
In general, conversations about mental health aren’t exactly ones you want to jump into completely blind. There are multiple factors behind having these types of conversations, which is why it might be best to schedule some time between you and your partner beforehand, says Dr. Laino.
“It’s important to have an idea of how you are feeling so that you can articulate what you are feeling,” Dr. Laino says. “If you need help with this, a mental health professional can help you organize your thoughts and ideas. If there is an emergency it is important to say ‘I need help now.’”
Scheduling a time with your partner also allows you to take a mental inventory of all of the things you want to tell them. Maybe you’ve done your research or have spoken with a professional and are ready to share a diagnosis, or maybe you just want to tell your partner what you need from them. Either way, that extra time for preparation could make a huge difference.
Self-compassion is key.
While mental health has always been deemed a taboo topic for generations, society has certainly made strides toward normalizing the fact that mental health is health. However, that doesn’t mean that everything is miraculously perfect because of those efforts and achievements.
For example, when approaching a conversation with your partner, it’s important to consider things like “…is there anything off limits, are they receiving help for mental health issues, creating a safe space to have these discussions, making sure empathy is in place and that each person is able to listen at that point in time,” Dr. Laino says.
No matter who is speaking about their mental health conditions, it’s important that compassion is at the forefront of the discussion. Sometimes, you might just want your partner to listen to you rather than give advice, and just wanting that compassion is alright too; you don’t always need your partner to show up with amazing advice.
“Owning your mental health, emotions, thoughts, etc., is important,” Dr. Laino says. “Self-compassion is also important as many people struggle with mental health issues. It’s important to be comfortable and know who you are talking to is safe.”
You’re ultimately showing up for yourself in these conversations. It takes a lot of courage to be able to speak openly about struggles with mental health, but being compassionate with yourself is the first step toward addressing it with your SO.
You might not get the reaction you were hoping for.
Unfortunately, not every partner will handle this conversation the way we’d all hope for. You might even get the complete opposite reaction you were expecting. While it’s possible your partner might just be initially taken aback, it’s important to look for any possible red flags, like if their negative behavior persists.
“If the negative response is consistent, that person may not be the best suited for a relationship, and while this is hard to hear it is important to know,” Dr. Laino says.
In general, when speaking about mental health with anyone, it’s important to do it in an environment where you feel safe. If your partner can’t provide that, it may be time to move on.
Self-compassion is important, but it’s equally as important to feel respected and cared for by your partner when discussing mental health struggles too. Given that May is Mental Health Awareness Month, take this as the sign to sit down with your thoughts, create a mental-health inventory, and sit down with your partner about anything relating to mental health that you felt you couldn’t talk about before. It might just be the best decision for your relationship.