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How To Deal With Friends Getting Cuffed, According To A Her Campus Editor

Today, we’re talking about friends and cuffing season. In Ask An Editor, Her Campus Editors answer readers’ questions about how to be a human. This month, Her Campus’s Deputy Editor, Iman Hariri-Kia, hosts office hours. 

Dear Editor,​

How do I deal with all my friends getting cuffed when I’m not even close?


Hot Girl Winter

Dear Hot Girl Winter,

What’s that saying? I don’t chase, I attract? I think that should be all of our mantras this cuffing season. In all honesty, most people start to date more seriously the second the weather turns because they (literally) want a warm body to cozy up to all winter. But those relationships aren’t always built on a foundation of something more meaningful. This year is going to be different. Armed with “Red (Taylor’s Version)”, your vaccine booster, and the second season of Euphoria, you’re going to cuff. Oh, yes — you’re going to cuff hard.

You’re going to cuff yourself.

I know what you’re thinking: I literally hate you, Iman. Hate me all you want, Reader — but I’m right about this one. Instead of wasting your time this winter worrying about who your friends are faking orgasms and sharing an Apple TV password with, you’re going to spend the long (or short? I’m confused), cold days dating yourself. By putting the work into falling in love with yourself and getting to know your psyche better, you’ll create a stronger bond and sense of self-confidence that will last you a lifetime, not just a snow-filled season. Doesn’t that sound fab?

So, let your friends have their little seasonal tryst. You’re into more of a forever thing. 

Tap Into A Nostalgic Childhood Activity  

Nothing — I repeat, nothing — will make you fall deeper in love with yourself than reconnecting with a beloved childhood activity that you somehow left in the past. I’ve spent the past few months reading fantasy and romance novels from my youth, and I can’t remember the last time I felt this close to my true self. My sister just graduated college and has been spending her free time painting in the park. What do these two activities have in common? There’s no end goal, no productive objective to reach. We’re simply engaging because they make us feel good and whole. If there’s an activity you loved a lot as a kid but were somehow talked into giving up as you “matured,” try it on for size. You might just find yourself filled with that funny, familiar feeling. How’s that for alliteration? 

Learn Something New (Wait For It… For Fun)

You know that sense of accomplishment? When you achieve something that once felt impossible? Not because you’re being graded or it’s a stepping stone to something greater, but because it filled you with a sense of pride and possibility? It’s kind of easy to forget what it’s like to believe in yourself when the only learning you do is for the pure purpose of academic achievement. Become reacquainted with what you’re capable of by acquiring a new skill and seeing it through to fruition, taking on a little bit each day. Whether you download Duo Lingo, watch that crocheting tutorial on YouTube that’s been bookmarked forever, or figure out what the h*ll a pilates reformer is, do something that’s simply for you, by you. 

Take Care Of Yourself, Past Self-Care

Look, I’m not going to go all girlboss on you and encourage you to practice self-care by buying a bunch of products at Lush or forcing yourself to sit straight and meditate when you’d rather be hate-Googling Jake Gyllenhaal. But I am going to encourage you to do one thing every day that makes you feel more in touch with yourself. Maybe that’s playing an instrument during your lunch break or putting on a full-face of makeup before work. Perhaps that looks like watching old rom-coms or going for a run. I want you to give yourself a headrush and goosebumps from one moment of pure, unadulterated happiness a day. Even if it’s fleeting.

Look, your friends might be slow to respond to your texts for a few months, but you can’t come to the phone right now anyway. Why? Because besties, you’re alive and well and dating the most gorgeous, brilliant person I can think of – you. And you know what? You deserve each other.  

P.S. If you want to mute their notifications, go for it. Nobody has to know. 



Iman Hariri-Kia is a New York-based writer, author, and Her Campus Deputy Editor. A 2017 recipient of the Annabelle Bonner Medal and a nationally acclaimed journalist, she covers sex, relationships, identity, adolescence, and more. Her debut novel, A HUNDRED OTHER GIRLS, will be published in spring 2022.
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