The vast majority of widely-used contraceptive methods (other than condoms) put the burden on women, from birth control pills to IUDs. With another Trump presidency looming on the horizon, and threats to abortion access across the country, there’s another method more men seem to be considering: vasectomies.
Recent studies have shown that post-Dobbs, the number of men seeking vasectomies has risen significantly. Most notably, the number of young men (under 30), getting consulted for the procedure rose significantly after the Dobbs decision. A procedure formerly associated with older men who were already married with children is growing in popularity among those without kids, indicating a growing trend of younger generations taking proactive control over family planning through male sterilization.
To understand how one should go about having a discussion with one’s partner about the possibility of a vasectomy, Her Campus spoke to Dr. Max Riv, a clinical psychologist, and Dr. Michael O. McKinney, a physician emphasizing reproductive health.
To start, what exactly a vasectomy is should be clearly defined. “A vasectomy is a minor surgical procedure that divides or interrupts the vasa deferentia, the tubes that convey sperm,” Dr. McKinney explains. “It is a long-term reversible contraceptive method that has an effectiveness rate of more than 99%.”
And while it may sound intense, it really isn’t — for the most part. “The process is quite gentle, and most of the men are feeling fine within several days and can perform any non-strenuous tasks,” McKinney says. “As mentioned before, while reversal is effective, it is still done infrequently and not all of them are effective.”
The difficulty of reversal for this procedure is an important consideration for a vasectomy as a method of contraception. The rate of successive pregnancy after a vasectomy reversal can range from 30%-90% depending on a variety of factors, and the operation for a reversal is usually more intensive. Another thing both experts noted is that a vasectomy is effective only in preventing pregnancy, not STIs.
HOw do I talk to my partner about getting a vasectomy?
When approaching a partner about this operation, keeping open and understanding dialogue is key. “In planning a vasectomy, it is critical to address the issues in question with a free and responsible conversation with a partner,” Dr. McKinney says. “This should involve both persons understanding the other’s family goals and then getting to agree to the decision taken especially on contraception. Because of the long years of commitment, timing, and motivations for the procedure should be best discussed.”
Dr. Riv notes that before you even begin the conversation, you should reflect on your own motivations and goals. He suggests asking these questions: Is our family complete, or could this decision change? How do we view other contraception methods? How might this impact our relationship dynamics? “Being clear on your reasons can help you approach the conversation with empathy and mutual respect,” Dr. Riv says.
This kind of discussion should take place on neutral ground, without too much emotion to cloud the conversation. Dr. Riv advises, “Create a judgment-free space: Start with something like, ‘I’ve been thinking about future family planning, and I’d love to hear your thoughts.’”
Approach the conversation with empathy.
It’s also essential to be open to your partner’s feelings. “Understand this topic can feel heavy or personal, especially for men who might associate vasectomy with masculinity,” Dr. Riv says. “Practice active listening: Reflect their feelings back to them, such as, ‘I hear that this makes you nervous. Let’s explore it together.’”
Dr. McKinney highlights the importance of having a balanced conversation. “In this case, listening and talking play a crucial role in the discussion,” he says. “Especially, active listening plays a crucial role in making sure that both partners are receiving and understanding. The need to gain an understanding of the benefits, risks involved, or any future implications cannot be overemphasized; this can only be achieved by courtesy of an honest discussion with the intended recipient pro the procedure.”
Don’t leave out the experts, though.
Both experts suggest talking to a healthcare provider to clear up any confusion around the procedure if necessary. “This shows you’re invested in understanding and respecting their perspective,” Dr. Riv explains. “Approach the topic as a team decision rather than a demand.”
As with any conversation on a heavy topic, patience and understanding are key. The health, gender, and family issues at play may add additional weight to this interaction. Remember to get as much information as you can, practice active listening, and take care of yourself.