Moving into a new place, whether it’s a 30-minute drive away or a four-hour flight across the country, can be challenging for everyone. Don’t worry, we’ve all been there and it’s okay to feel nervous, confused, and homesick — especially in college. You’ve probably lived in one place your whole life, or at least with the same people your whole life — your family. They have cared for you when you were sick, and been there for your school events — and now that you are at college, that changes.
The good news is, though, college has the ability to change your life in the best ways possible. College may be the place where you might meet your best friends, or future spouse, and figure out what you want to pursue for your career. However, despite all of the good parts of college, it’s okay to be homesick, call your parents however many times you want, and have a cry here and there.
If you’re feeling anxious about going to college and missing your friends and fam, don’t fret — I have your back! I spoke with David Tzall, PsyD. about all things homesickness, including tips on how to cope with being homesick and other information that should help calm your nerves if you find yourself missing home.
Focus on making new friends and embracing your new life.
College is awesome because you’re in a place of like-minded people who all chose to be in the same place as you. Soon, your friends will feel just like family, so put your energy into finding those people. It can be hard, but simply saying “hi” to people in your dorm or when you go to the gym or get food can be the best way to meet people and find friends.
“Feeling homesick is a natural response when you’re in a new situation away from friends, family and comforting structure,” Tzall says. “Establishing a new routine provides a sense of structure. So, explore new surroundings, make new local friends, and learn the culture of your new environment.”
Find a balance when it comes to communicating with your family.
College is your time to be independent, but homesickness definitely makes that a little tough. So, finding a balance between independence and support is important when it comes to defining your time away from home.
“Being in touch with family is essential for emotional support, but excessive communication might hinder your ability to fully immerse yourself in your new surroundings,” Tzall explains. “There is no one-size-fits-all approach. Experiment with different levels of communication and adjust as necessary. Consider setting some boundaries with family and friends as you see fit.”
A way to do this is by experimenting with different amounts of communication with family and friends back home, and establishing boundaries based on how much communication might be too much — or too little.
Distract yourself and get involved.
Distraction is key when trying to not be too homesick. Building a network at college will give you the resources to make new friends, join clubs, and maybe even lead you to your dream job one day.
“Engage in clubs, organizations, or events that align with your interests,” Tzall says. “Participating in extracurricular activities not only helps you meet like-minded people but also gives you a sense of belonging to the college community.” It’s definitely important to have this sense of belonging because it starts to make this foreign place feel like a second home — which is really important considering you’ll be spending the next four years there.
Tzall also suggests familiarizing yourself with your new environment, and trying your best to embrace it as your new home. “Take the time to explore your college town or city,” Tzall suggests. “Familiarize yourself with local attractions, landmarks, and cultural events: Exploring new places can be exciting and help you appreciate the unique opportunities available in your new environment.”
Exploring the new town you’re in is super important as you can gain excitement for new things to do and it will, in turn, distract you from missing all of those places at home you’re used to. In addition, you might even find places that remind you of home and it could be a comforting place to go to on days you are feeling down.
Keep in mind that this too shall pass.
Even though this is easier said than done, it’s important to remember that this wave of fear will pass and soon you won’t even want to go back home (only for those home-cooked meals, of course). It’s completely normal to feel homesick, and usually, most people are in the same boat as you. You are nowhere near alone in this new chapter of life, and most of the time your next-door neighbor is going through the exact same tornado of emotions. Confide in friends, likely they are feeling the same, and talking it out will give both of you the comfort you’re so desperately craving.
“Feeling homesick can last for five minutes, or five months,” Tzall says. “There is no prescribed time at which it can subside: The more energy and time you put into actively and intentionally trying to settle in a new place, the quicker it will feel like home.”
Of course, it’s always a good idea to seek professional help if your homesickness feels overwhelming. “Reaching out for professional mental health support can help soften the transition,” Tzall says. “College counseling services are often available to provide guidance and help you navigate through this challenging phase.”
If you’re feeling down and can’t get this feeling to pass on its own, don’t be afraid to reach out to a college counselor for some help. “It’s important to recognize that homesickness is a normal part of adjusting to new environments and can be managed with time, support, and positive experiences in the new setting,” Tzall adds.
From my humble perspective, I fully stand by the phrase that time will heal all wounds — the first day, or even a couple of months, at a new school in a new place can be really frightening for everyone. When it comes to college, there’s a lot to navigate and it can be really chaotic. If you trust yourself, get as involved as possible, and just say hi to the person you pass in your dorm lobby, I promise you’ll get through it.
If you or someone you know is seeking help for mental health concerns, visit the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) website, or call 1-800-950-NAMI(6264). For confidential treatment referrals, visit the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) website, or call the National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP(4357). In an emergency, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK(8255) or call 911.